A Reason for Being
by KaLeRei
Summary: Gokudera Hayato has been hiding a secret from the entire Vongola Family - one that Miura Haru has accidentally figured out. And because of this, she was spending her last day of the year in a hospital room - for him. GokuHaru; 5986. NO LONGER A ONESHOT.
1. A Reason for Being

::Alright, so me and a friend of mine got ourselves into a random fanfiction challenge. We'd have to write an at-least 1000 word Gokudera-Haru oneshot that contained three random words from our classmates (who had no idea why the hell we were asking them for the first word that came to their mind), and at least two genres. I just decided to theme it with the Holidays in mind.

::So the words I got were: pills, chair and headband. And for genre: fluff and angst. God, this is gonna be tough.

::I don't own Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn!

* * *

"**.A Reason for Being."**

_I wonder if he's alright… _Haru mused as she gazed upon the empty chair in the front row of their classroom. The teachers have been enjoying a Gokudera-free week before the holidays, the silver-haired straight-A delinquent not there to sleep right in front of them and answer any question thrown at him regardless. Haru had to admit, class without him was, well… uneventful.

It's only been a few months since they all decided to go to the same high school – she and her friends from Namimori Middle. And she just had to get stuck in Section A with the grumpy silver-haired bomber that she never really got along with.

It's been a tough ordeal. Daily bickering, constantly being outdone by someone who didn't even pay attention in class, shouting at each other, calling each other names… but as the days turned into weeks that turned into months, they learned to live with it – accepted the fact that a day wouldn't be complete without her exclamation of 'Hahi!' and his retort of 'stupid woman.' the past week however, had gone without either.

* * *

**.:Flashback:.**

"What the hell?" He said to her in the usual annoyed tone as they walked to Tsuna's house. "What are you going to do there, stupid woman? It's a Vongola meeting and-"

"Haru's a member of the Vongola too!" she said with a pout. "I want to help in any way I can!"

"You'll only be a bother, you don't have to-"

"Haru is going, whatever Gokudera-san says." She replied stubbornly. "Haru may not be much help, but at least I could do something-"

"Tch. Whatever." He resigned. "Do what you want then."

They were only a couple of blocks away from getting there when Haru noticed that the silver-haired Storm Guardian wasn't falling in step beside her. She looked behind her and saw him, his leaning against a tree and his hand clutching his chest – he was heaving like he'd run a hundred laps.

"Hahi? What happened, Gokudera-san?" She said worriedly, running back to him to see what was wrong.

"It's nothing." He gasped, getting back on his feet and wiping the dirt off his clothes like nothing happened. "Let's just go. The Tenth is waiting."

"But - but something's wrong." She said, hurrying beside him. "Haru has never seen Gokudera-san so – what's wrong? Even after a battle you've never-"

"I said it was nothing, stupid woman!" he said, raising his voice. She winced. His expression changed from anger to – what was it? Pleading? "Look," He took a deep breath, as if the next thing to come out of his mouth would cost him a lot to say. It probably did. "I know we've never really gotten along, Haru… but please don't mention any of this to anyone else, especially the Tenth."

"Hahi?" She said under her breath. That sentence was hard to take in – Gokudera had actually called her by her name, he had said please – and he actually sounded like he meant it. "But… I'm sure Tsuna-san and the others would-"

"Would what? Understand? Feel sorry for me?" He said, still breathing heavily, like even just speaking was a hard thing to do. "I don't need understanding or pity." He coughed. "There are more important things to worry about."

"But, Gokudera-san-" she gasped, her face a mixture of horror and concern as she pointed at his hand.

Gokudera looked down at his hand – he'd just coughed out blood, and the world was slowly fading away to darkness.

**.:Flashback End:.**

**

* * *

**Haru changed her clothes quickly and put her hair out of its ponytail, letting her hair fall to her shoulders, and wore a simple headband in place of her many clips. She then took the food basket from the kitchen.

"I gotta go mom!" she said. "Enjoy your New Year's date with dad!"

"Take care, Haru-chan!" she heard her mother reply from upstairs.

As she walked through the busy streets of Namimori, hearing the shrine's bells ringing, Beethoven's ninth symphony on the speakers, the laughter of the little kids as they got their New Year's gifts, and people exchanging cards… a smile made its way to her face as she made her way to Namimori Hospital.

* * *

"He's not well enough to leave yet." The nurse said in a consoling 'were-doing-everything-we-can' tone as she closed the door to let Haru inside Gokudera's hospital room. "But his condition is improving." It was the same answer they got yesterday, and the day before that.

"Thank you." Haru sighed as she took the seat beside the bed. "You know you're really stubborn." She knew it was childish and stupid to be talking to someone who was probably unconscious, but she also knew she might not be able to talk to him like this if he was awake. "I can't believe I actually rushed you to a hospital and didn't tell anyone what was really going on." And because of that, she's the only visitor he's ever gotten.

"Haru hasn't been able to do all her shopping for the holidays because of you!" she sighed. _Gokudera-san is really sick… I have no right to blame him. _"It's hard to make up excuses for Tsuna-san and the others about you, you know." She started peeling apples. Yes, she knew Hayato would probably tell her apples were more nutritious and tasted better with the skin on, but she was getting bored, and there wasn't anything better to do – wasn't this what girls usually did when they visit people at the hospital? "Hahi – they probably think that we're…" she brushed the thought away from her mind and concentrated on the fruit.

"That we're what, stupid woman?" he said weakly, sitting up from the bed. "Why the hell are you peeling apples?"

"Hahi! You're awake Gokudera-san!" She said plainly. "The nurse told me to give you your medicine when you wake up." And she handed him a red-and-yellow capsule, a couple of pills and a glass of water.

He looked a little surprise, but took the medicine all the same, and then looked around the room – this must've been the first time he's woken up since getting confined in the hospital.

"Why can't we just tell them the truth?" Haru said after setting the empty glass on the bedside table.

"I'll just worry the Tenth. And I'll die first before I make that baseball-idiot feel sorry for me." He snapped, and then sighed. "What are you doing here anyway? I didn't tell you to take me to a hospital."

"Haru couldn't just let you die a little every day – not when I know what's going on." She said, sadness evident in her eyes. "You might get better if you stay here… the doctors will treat you… then everything can go back to normal and-"

A small smile somehow made its way to his lips. "Stupid woman… there is no cure." _This is the same disease that killed my mother… _

"So you're just going to pretend that everything's okay while you're fighting for your life every single day? Alone?" she said, head bowed and tears falling from her eyes. "Haru has been visiting you the past week because she is the only one that can! If we tell them then-"

"I never asked you to come-"

"Then who will?" she said. "You can't possibly think that Tsuna-san would feel better when you just suddenly die than when he is worrying about you! Why do you have to take this alone? Isn't the Vongola-"

"There's nothing that can be done." He said, unable to face her.

"So you're just going to wait and die all alone, is that it?" she said, standing up and trying to wipe her tears with her eyes.

"I wanted to be as useful as I could to the Tenth for as long as possible." He muttered under his breath. "No one was supposed to find out-"

"And we'd suddenly just get news that you died?"

"Everyone dies. I've been raised as a Mafioso, Haru. I've lived every day prepared to die." He said. "Even before I found out that I had this sickness."

"But-" she wanted to protest but was taken aback by the barely audible words that she heard from his mouth.

"Sorry."

"Hahi?" the words took her by surprise that she wasn't even sure if she heard correctly.

"Don't make me repeat myself, woman." He said. "Look. It's the last day of the year, I know there are other places you'd rather be. You can leave if you want-"

"Everyone else had plans," she muttered. "But it would be sad if you had to spend your new year's night all alone in a hospital room."

"You don't have to do all this you know."

"Haru wouldn't have been able to forgive herself."

"Tch, fine." He said, taking a sliced apple from the bedside table.

The night went on, both of them absorbed in a book of their own. Gokudera had to admit, Haru was alright when she was quiet like this… and it was kind of nice that he had someone to talk to on the same intellectual level. As the fireworks lit the sky outside, Haru set down her book and watched from the window.

"Strontium." She muttered under her breath as the sky exploded with color. "It's what makes fireworks burn red, isn't it?"

"Uh… yeah." He replied. He put his book down too, watching the fireworks outside reminded him of his own weapon of choice – his dynamites, so similar to him – living for that single fleeting moment of existence.

"When you get better you'll have to help me explain to everyone why I'm the only one who knows what you've been up to-"

"You could just tell them we wanted our privacy or something." He said so matter-of-factly.

Haru felt the blood rush to her cheeks. "But we aren't-!"

"But they wouldn't ask any questions either, would they?"

"Gokudera-kun has a point, but we couldn't possibly lie to everyone about something like that." She blurted out.

"What if we weren't lying?"

"Hahi?"

"Tch. Happy New Year, stupid woman."

She smiled.

"Happy New Year, Gokudera-kun."

* * *

Hours later, as the first sunrise of the year rose up in the sky, Gokudera found himself another reason for wanting to stay alive, to fight and to protect… and it came by the name Miura Haru. And he prayed that he would live long enough for her.

* * *

::A little rushed, but whatever. It's five hours to New Year here, so HAPPY NEW YEAR!

::I wonder if I actually met criteria, but I'm pretty happy about how this one turned out. Having Hayato inherit his mother's sickness had always seemed pretty interesting to me.

::Thanks for reading, please review!


	2. Promises and Pancakes

::I have always considered the possibility of this being multi-chaptered… so, my other 5986 fic has been choking me a bit, I guess I need a little breather and a bit of practice to let the creative juices do their thing, I'll probably be able to update this whenever inspiration strikes, and I will try my best to finish it, but it will take a while.

::Be warned, this chapter contains a lot of third-person thinking… and drama.

::I don't own KHR.

* * *

"**.Promises and Pancakes."**

About a week has passed since New Years, and Haru's week was filled by daily visits to Namimori Hospital, she knew it made Hayato feel a bit awkward, suddenly spending so much more time with each other, but she decided it was the least she could do – and she wanted to see him get better with her own eyes.

She found it strange and unnerving, seeing him feel so weak, so helpless – someone who she's always seen as a jerk with anger issues, but stubborn to a fault. Something was wrong with the world. Gokudera Hayato never gave up, and even if he never really considered his own life to be of much value, she saw that he had he will to live – to be with his friends, even if it was just to do something as simple as watching another fireworks show together.

No, he never said a word of this to her, but she could see it in his eyes. She had always had a feeling that he seemed to be burdened by something, like he was carrying a massive weight of grief on his shoulders – something he couldn't totally hide behind his arrogance and attitude. As the days passed, she wondered if he would ever trust her enough to tell her what it was.

* * *

She entered the room, her hair in its signature ponytail, wearing a bright smile on her face that carried all the hope in the world. _No_, he told himself, he didn't deserve this – she isn't supposed to be here wasting her holidays. He isn't supposed to be here in the hospital, being a useless right-hand man.

She sat down on the chair by the bed and greeted him good morning, and they both wondered for a moment where the air of awkwardness that was usually between them went. She started serving him breakfast – he had to admit, she was getting better at cooking, that, or she was bringing better food from her house.

He wondered when he'd started paying more attention to her – he knew, he had always known that there was something about her that she never really showed. Something behind all her silly antics and cheerful smiles… now, he thinks he kind of understands her a little.

She smiles and hands him a plate of food. He stubbornly says she shouldn't bother. She pouts and tells him she worked hard to prepare it, and that it's rude to refuse when food's being offered.

She asks if he's okay.

He lies and tells her he's never felt better.

He's told her time and time again that she never had to do any of this, and that she should stop, but she never did. The strange thing was, somehow, he was glad that the woman was so stubborn. Maybe he just didn't want to face it all alone – but of course he would never admit it.

But enough is enough. It was about time he accepted the truth – that he could be taken from this world at any time, the same way his own mother was.

When he finishes eating, she notices the change in his expression. He tells her about what he's been thinking of the past few nights: that today, he's finally decided he's leaving the hospital. Her smile disappears as she hears what she's feared, and she tells him that it isn't that simple, that deciding to leave meant he had decided to give up all hope of ever getting better.

"I've made up my mind, Haru." Gokudera said sternly, arms folded, unable to meet her eyes – eyes filled with tears he felt he didn't deserve. "It's not like I only just found out about this – I've known for a while now. I'm prepared… I'll only be wasting the time I have left if I stay here any longer than I already have. Will you stop crying?" _Stupid woman._

"B-but-" Haru tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, but it was of no use, since new tears replaced the old ones just as quickly. "I… Haru doesn't want Gokudera-san to… to… to die ~desu." She said between sobs. "I won't let you… give up on yourself like this."

"Who said shit about giving up, stupid woman?" Gokudera snapped. "I just hate this place and want to get out of here. It's not like I'll live any longer by staying here – this place makes me feel dead already."

"Please don't say that, Gokudera-san." She said, finally gaining control of her emotions a little. "Fine, if you want to leave the hospital, then alright. But you have to promise me one thing-"

"Yeah, yeah… I'll make up a good excuse to explain why I've been gone and why it seems like we're talking to each other more properly." He said. "Don't worry about that."

"How can you think that Haru would be worrying about something so insignificant?" She replied. "I want you to promise me…. that you'll let me help you find a cure."

He looked away into the vast horizon, the Namimori skyline that was opening up the world before him. "I-I just want to make the most out of what time I have left, Haru." He muttered under his breath.

"Why do you keep talking like it's all over?" Haru asked a hushed whisper, her voice cracking once again. "I told you already… I'll help you ~desu. All of you; Tsuna-san, Yamamoto-san, everyone – you've all gone through so much, you've all fought hard battles, and I haven't been able to do a thing. I won't be able to forgive myself if I don't at least try."

"It's not your fault-" he tried to say before he was interrupted by her crumpling up the bed sheet in her fist.

"Gokudera-san, Haru knows we don't really know each other all that much, and that we've always argued and never gotten along… I know I don't have the right to do this –"

"Damn right you don-!"

He stopped in his tracks when she looked at him with the most piercing eyes he's ever seen from her. "If you can look at me straight in the eyes and tell me you don't want to get better, then Haru will stop. I'll stop and you won't hear anything about this from me ever again."

His eyes widened in surprise – since when did he matter so much to her? Since when did he care so much about what she thought? It was as if his voice had disappeared and was nowhere to be found. _Damn it, just say it and you'll finally get the stupid woman out of your hair._

But, try as he might, no matter how he tried to convince himself that he had completely lost faith in ever getting cured, that he accepted whatever would happen, that he was ready to die, that he just didn't care anymore… the words would not come. And though he did want to lie… he couldn't bring himself to do it, not to her, not like this. _Shit._

"Tch. Fine, you win. Stupid woman." Was all he could say.

A smile made its way to Haru's face. "So, it's settled then, I'll-" she was about to stand when…

"Hold it." He said, clutching her arm. "You gotta promise me something in return."

"Hahi?" Haru sat back down. "Okay, what is it?"

"You will not, ever, tell anyone about this – no one, not my sister, not the Tenth, not that baseball-idot, no one. ever. Got it?"

"Alright ~desu." Haru resigned. "Haru won't tell anyone."

* * *

"Finally, free at last." Gokudera muttered as he breathed in the air outside and started walking.

"So what're you going to do now, Gokudera-san?" Haru asked.

"What do you mean? It's gonna be like everything's back to normal – the way it should be." He said smiling. He was definitely in a better mood right now. "We can go back to hating each other again."

"But-"

"Okay, okay… I'll be more careful and shit." Hayato sighed. "I made a promise already, didn't I, Stupid Woman?"

"Would you please stop using such foul language… and STOP CALLING ME STUPID WOMAN?" Haru shouted. "Haru thought we got over this already."

"See, things are back to normal already." Hayato said, uncharacteristically cheerfully. "We hate each other again."

Haru stopped walking for a second. _But… Haru never hated Gokudera-san._

"You don't have to follow me all the way home, Haru." Hayato said once they had reached his neighborhood.

"Hahi? This is the way to Haru's house ~desu." She explained. "Don't tell me you live here too, Gokudera-san?"

"Uh… I do." He said, scratching the back of his neck. "Must be why we keep running into each other in the morning on the way to school."

"Yes ~desu. We've always met somewhere here before reaching Tsuna-san's place… coincidentally." Haru noted.

"Well… see you around, I guess." Hayato said as he turned right and headed to his apartment.

"Bye-bye ~desu." Haru replied.

* * *

That night, Gokudera found it a bit hard to sleep – thoughts were racing through his mind faster than he could process them properly, and somehow this stuffy old apartment never really felt like home to him. It was on nights like this that he wished he was back on his Italian antique four-poster bed that could fit ten people, or at least it seemed like it could, back when he was little.

He seriously doubted things would really ever go back to the way they used to be. Now that the secret wasn't his alone, things would surely change – especially since it was Haru who found out the truth. Her, of all people – the annoying stupid woman with her weird getups. Well, whatever… _it would've been worse if it was the baseball-idiot that found out. _

Then he wondered why she found it such a big deal, _why did she care so much anyway? _Then he tried imagining it the other way around: what if she was the one with a terminal illness, and he was the only one who knew… he thought he probably would've acted the same way – stubbornly trying to convince her she wouldn't die, and trying to help in any way. It had nothing to do with how they usually acted towards each other every day, it was because they were _family_. They were Vongola. And you care about your family, no matter how much you argue every day.

_But she probably wouldn't keep it a secret to everyone… _then he thought about her piercing eyes, so different from her usual cheerful smiles, and the few moments when he would catch her smile fading for the slightest second… _Then again… maybe she wouldn't… she wouldn't want to make anyone else worry either._

Then he tried to push the thoughts to the farthest corners of his mind – no way does he have so many similarities with the Stupid Woman.

A small smile made its way to his lips as he was finally able to drift asleep.

* * *

…only to be woken up by a banging on his door and the words:

"Hahi! Wake up ~desu! Gokudera-san, it's Haru!"

"Oh shit." He muttered as he scrambled out of bed and changed his clothes. "Wait a second!" _How the hell did she find out this is where I lived?_

"What in the hell gives you the right to wake me up at this hour?" Hayato said as he opened the door.

"It's past ten already, Gokudera-san." Haru explained as she entered the apartment while carrying a big paper bag. "Haru thought it was enough time to let you sleep in. You're always early when we have meetings at Tsuna-san's place, so I thought you were a morning person."

"I am… I had trouble sleeping" he said, closing the door and wondering what the heck she was doing in his apartment. "How did you know-?"

"I asked around. Haru can't believe you lived two blocks away for three years and she never found out!" she answered.

"…why the hell are you here again?" he asked, without holding back his tone of annoyance.

Haru smiled and laid out the contents of her paper bag on Hayato's kitchen counter. "Haru's gonna teach you to cook breakfast ~desu!" she declared.

Hayato put his what-the-fucking-hell face on. "Say that again."

"Haru-is-gonna-teach-Gokudera-san-to-cook." She said slowly, the way you would talk to a two-year-old. "I can't be bringing you food from my house forever. Mom's starting to wonder if I started a cat shelter or something."

"I never asked you to-"

"Actually, I'm surprised you keep your apartment so… clean ~desu." She continued as if she didn't hear him, and looked around for some cooking utensils. "Haru expected she had to teach you how to clean too. You've never used these before, have you?"

"No, not really." He said, still wondering if the woman was serious, yet strangely obeying her all the same. "Just the microwave to heat stuff up."

"No wonder you're so grumpy. All you eat is take-out." Haru said as she handed him two eggs and a bowl. "A nutritious breakfast is the key to a good day… especially if you have training."

"I don't always eat take-out." He said, trying to crack an egg with one hand and fabulously succeeding. "Sometimes I eat at Juudaime's or baseball-idiot's place," He said, smiling at his successful effort at beating eggs. "Or I eat the stuff you cook." He suddenly realized what he just said.

It made Haru pause for a second, but brushed it off. "Haru's learned a lot from Bianchi-san and I-pin-chan…" she said as she started slicing strawberries. "Was it Bianchi-san who taught you to crack eggs with one hand?"

"Uh… I remember her forcing me to help her cook cookies when we were young. Maybe…" he said absentmindedly. "What are we cooking?" _It better not be cake._

"Strawberry pancakes, ~desu." She answered. "Just follow the recipe and we'll be fine."

"Okay, whatever." He said and resigned – he was pretty sure she wouldn't let him get out of it anyway.

"Two cups of flour." He said as he took a measuring cup and measured meticulously. "Tch. Damnit." He said at his fourth attempt to get a perfect on-the-line measurement.

Haru was giggling at this point. "Cooking is more of an art than a science, though… It's alright if you don't actually get exactly-"

"Of course it isn't!" He snapped. "If you get the measurements wrong, then everything's gonna go wrong! Fundamentals are important." He finally decided on a perfect measure and mixed it in with the eggs. "This is just like mixing gunpowder… only you don't have to worry so much about blowing up."

Haru was surprised that he was so into it. She actually half-expected him to throw her out and shut the door on her – but she was pleasantly surprised. An hour passed with no mishaps and with the scent of strawberry pancake starting to fill the air. She smiled as he plated his first.

"Haru can't believe you can cook so well." She complimented. "Are you sure this is your first time?"

"I forgot to flip them for 59.86 seconds, and I accidentally put more than the 80 grams of sugar than what the recipe called for-" he explained.

Haru just put her hand up to stop him as she tasted them. "Hahi! It's delicious ~desu." _God, he cooked this better than I did on my first try. _

"Well, I am three-fourths Italian." He smirked as he ate some for himself.

"You're gonna have to cook pasta with Haru-chan sometime." She realized what she just said and somehow the blood was rushing to her cheeks… she nervously ate away at her food and stood up hastily to clean up.

Unfortunately, she accidentally knocked over the leftover flour and it ended up all over Gokudera's face. She was embarrassed as hell, but couldn't stop laughing. "Hahi! G-gomen…"

"What the hell?" he shouted, somehow he was getting the urge to throw an egg or flour at her, but stopped himself just in time.

_No, I will not resort to cheesy ingredient-throwing food fights._

_Never._

_That shit only belongs in the world of shoujo mangas or cheesy romantic comedies – and it's wasteful. _

He tried dusting the flour off by the sink. "You should be more careful."

"I'm sorry I got flour all over you." Haru said apologetically.

"Nah, it's nothing. What the hell-"

Haru took a handful of discarded flour from the table and threw it on her face. "Haru just can't stand having to owe Gokudera-san anything. Now we're even ~desu."

"You're weird, you know that?" Gokudera said.

"I'm sorry I forced you into this." Haru told him, not meeting his eyes.

A small smile made it to his face. "Tch, Stupid Woman." _You don't have to apologize about that._

"HARU HAS TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING HER STUPID!"

"Alright, alright… sorry." He said.

"Thank you." She said, crossing her arms.

Just then a knock on the door was heard.

"Who the hell-?" Gokudera opened the door and was welcomed by the face of a smiling Yamamoto Takeshi.

"So you're finally home! Tsuna's been wondering where you've been going." he said as he entered the room. "Oi, Haru's here too."

Gokudera and Haru shared the same what-the-hell-this-can't-be-happening-please-let-me-die face on as Yamamoto asked:

"Why are you both covered in flour? Is this a new game or something?"

* * *

::Looks like I couldn't overcome the urge to put something not terribly depressing in here. I know it's a bit too… cheesy… but I guess this is what the EXTREMELY hot summer sun does to a brain that watches Masterchef reruns and deep Japanese drama movies. I guess I couldn't bring myself to write another whole chapter about Gokudera thinking about his impending doom - so I made him bake pancakes instead. Haha. Sorry about that.

::I think I've gotten over my description-block. My fanfics have been too drenched in dialogue lately.

::Thanks for reading, please review!


	3. An Illusion of Hope

::I did say this would take a while. Getting used to college life made it take even longer – however, this is inspired by that, in some way. Anyway, there's a typhoon here and classes are suspended, I'm stuck in the dorm and I guess I have time and inspiration enough to write this. (Actually, this chapter has gone through two typhoons and two class suspensions. I guess the rain really is just inspiring.)

::I don't own KHR. If I did, 5986 would probably be canon.

* * *

"**.An Illusion of Hope."**

"Would you like some breakfast, Yamamoto-san?" Haru offered, hoping with all she had that he would be his usual oblivious self.

Yamamoto respectfully declined the offer. "I've already eaten, and I need to help the old man make sushi for the picnic later. So, what have you been up to during the holidays, Gokudera?"

"None of your business, baseball-freak." The Tenth Vongola Storm Guardian replied irritably.

"Fine, fine. Keep it to yourselves." The Rain Guardian laughed. "I just stopped by to remind you that today's the last day of the holidays – and about the picnic. It's the last day before we have to go to school, so we might as well make the most of it. Tsuna's been wondering why you haven't shown up lately, Gokudera... well, I gotta go now." And with that, he left.

Hayato crosses his arms and sends Haru a questioning look. She answers with an uneasy smile and a failed attempt at pretending she didn't know what Takeshi was talking about.

"This is too much to just be a coincidence." He said to her as they cleaned the dishes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you ~desu." She replied as she set the washed utensils back in their proper place. "I just had a feeling you wouldn't agree to cook if I told you we'd be bringing it to the picnic. Haru thought it would be a good idea for you to find out how it felt like to be cooking for the others."

"We already know it's not easy to take care of all the other things when we're occupied with fighting." He said, the mishaps and malfunctions from the girl's boycott of chores in the future often reminded him.

"That's not the reason Haru wanted to teach you to cook." She said.

"I know, I know – 'a healthy meal is the ticket to a good day of training'" he quoted. "I get it, okay? Sheesh."

"Would you mind accompanying Haru to her house? I need to pick up the cake I made for the picnic." She said.

"Whatever." He replied.

* * *

The sky was cloudy, the trees have just started sprouting leaves and painting the world in shades of light green. The air was fresh, having just gone through the cold of winter, but still carried a faint chill with every breath. Haru was in a characteristically good mood –spring was _her_ season after all. She was named for it, and it was by far her favorite. She always found it so fascinating, how each flower blooms for the first time, covering the once damp, brown earth with varying shades of color. In the back of her mind, she wished she could be as uplifting as a spring flower – to be able to bring a smile to someone's face and keep away the chill of winter. She looked at the silver-haired boy walking along beside her, and somehow, she had realized she started hoping earlier than she was ready to admit.

"Haru-chan!" Her mother greeted as she opened the door.

"Goodmorning ~desu, okaa-san." She replied as she entered her house and proceeded to the kitchen. "I just came to pick up the cake."

"Ah, you must be Hayato-kun." Haru's mother smiled at the young man. "Haru-chan has told me so much about you."

Gokudera greeted her awkwardly. "Good morning, Mrs. Miura."

"Is there something wrong, dear?" she smiles kindly at him, and he doesn't know how to respond. "You know, mothers usually have a good sense of intuition."

"No, it's-it's nothing." He said dismissively. _Does everyone in her family have this weird intuition?_

The woman smiles knowingly. "Ah, well, I'm sure everything will be fine." She puts a hand on his shoulder, and says: "Thank you, Hayato-kun, for making my Haru-chan smile."

"But-" he tries to say, but Haru's presence in the hallway cut their conversation short.

"Let's go ~desu, I'm sure everyone's waiting." She said, a white box in her arms.

They say their goodbyes, and Hayato wonders just how much Haru has told her mother, and more so – how her mother could say that he made her daughter smile. Because he was pretty sure it might have been the other way around.

* * *

Minutes later they were already at Namimori's park and was greeted by Yamamoto's usual cheerfulness and a look of slight bewilderment from Tsuna and Kyoko.

"Gokudera-kun! I'm glad you could make it." Tsuna said, smiling. "We haven't seen you at all during the holidays."

Gokudera hastily apologized and bowed down at his boss's feet. "I'm really sorry I've been absent Tenth! I'm a failure as your right hand man."

Tsuna sighed and urged Gokudera to stop and stand up. "You don't need to apologize, everyone deserves a break. It's just... unlike you to suddenly dissapear like that." Tsuna saw the look of concern on Haru's face as she stood behind his Storm Guardian, and he understood. He didn't need his Vongola Super Intuition to figure out that it was a topic that both of his friends didn't want to discuss.

"Well, what it is -" Haru tried to explain, making it a point to avoid seeing Gokudera glaring at her.

Tsuna smiled and gave a sigh. "It's alright Haru. You don't have to tell us. I'm sure it's a personal matter and we don't really have to find out about it."

"Thank you, Juudaime. Would you excuse us for a bit?" Gokudera said and grasped Haru's hand as he took her a distance away from the others. "What was that about? I thought you promised me you weren't telling anyone." he demanded.

Haru was determined not to let a single tear fall from her eyes as she replied answered: "Haru wasn't going to tell Tsuna-san about your sickness ~desu." She took her hand out of his grasp when she noticed he was still holding on to hers. "Honestly, I wasn't. Haru was going to give him an excuse."

"And that excuse would be?" he asked with a mixture of slight amusement and curiosity.

"That Gokudera-san' went to Italy to visit the Vongola Ninth ~desu." Haru answered. "Haru knows it's a bit far-fetched, but no-one would really ask questions about it, since it was Family business."

Haru flushes with embarassment when she sees the amused look on Gokudera's face.

"It was the best Haru could come up with, okay?" She explained.

"It's not that, Stupid Woman." Gokudera said with a slight chuckle. "I think it's better this way – I don't want you lying to Juudaime for me. That would mean that I owe you something. And it would be unlike you to lie, especially to the Tenth. Besides, if we said I visited the Vongola Nono, they'd just have to ask Reborn-san and they'd find out we were lying."

"Alright, Haru wasn't able to think that one through, but I promised you, didn't I?" She said. "That Haru wouldn't tell anyone. Haru told Gokudera-san already that Haru didn't care about what excuses we'll have to make, as long as Gokudera-san promised her he would let her help him."

The small smile of amusement on Gokudera's face faded into a look of sadness and lost hope. "Haru, I told you before, this sickness has no cure. I don't want you to be overly hopeful about it." _I should never have made that promise. _He was afraid that she was starting to care too much about him, that she was being delusioned by hope, and most of all - that he would fail her. "It's not that I-"

Haru clenched her fists at her side as she cried, letting the tears flow down freely. "Stop it, Gokudera-san. You're treating Haru like a child. I understand the reality of your situation, but please, Gokudera-san, just let me believe that you'll get better. Because clearly, you can't believe in it yourself. We're not going to get anywhere if both of us feel hopeless ~desu."

"I'm sorry, Haru." He said.

"Don't apologize, Gokudera-san. Just try to believe that we'll find a cure and that you'll get better. Just believing in something can work wonders." She said. "Please." And with that, she wiped her tears, left him, and went to join the others.

* * *

Gokudera stood rooted to the spot for a moment, taking in all she had said. Since when did he matter so much? Since when was she willing to lie to the Tenth for him? Since when had he started to care? More than those questions pervading his mind, he wondered how long it has been since he believed – since he truly believed that a miracle could happen.

_Seven years_, he told himself. _It's been seven years since I found out about my mother. _Seven years since he last started truly hoping for the impossible. _She was already gone years before I found out. _But that didn't stop him from carrying a small wish in his heart, that someday he would meet her, and that they could play the piano again.

But as the years passed, his dreams faded, his wishes forgotten, his eyes opened to the dismal reality that life truly was. There was no way of ever getting his mother back, and there was no point in trying to find out anything more about the incident – past was past, and all he had left was the present. All he had was the mafia, his strength, his skill, himself. He'd learned to accept that there was nothing else you could rely on, and that dreams are worth nothing if he didn't make them come true with his own hands.

He was still the same when he made the trip to Japan, the only drastic difference his meeting the Tenth made was finding the value of his own life – and so cruelly, fate decided that even that, which he had just learned to cherish, would be taken from him so soon.

It was simple, he just accepted the truth. There was nothing to be done, it wasn't giving up – because he knew if there was a way, he would rather go down fighting. He was just being realistic.

Now, looking at Haru, the Tenth, the Baseball idiot, the Sasagawa siblings, and even that Stupid Cow, he realizes how far they've come – and how much he doesn't want to leave them. And he decides to give the Woman's request a chance.

What did he have left to lose?

Hoping for the impossible was better than wallowing in self-pity.

He told himself that he would believe, that he does believe that he would get better, that he would get cured and would live out all the years of his life. He would tell himself a hundred times every single day, because sometimes, when you keep trying to convince yourself of something... you eventually start believing in it's truth.

A small smile finds its way to his features and he joins the others, to enjoy their final day of the holidays. Tsuna smiles as he sees his Storm Guardian join them, seemingly feeling better than he had earlier.

* * *

"Did you really cook these, Gokudera-san?" Kyoko asked politely as she ate some strawberry pancake.

"Uhm... yeah." He said seepishly.

"Don't be ashamed about it, Gokudera-san." Haru nudged him in the arm. "Haru never knew he could cook that well."

Hayato was surprised at how Haru was suddenly acting so different, and so familiar. _I guess I'll never find out what's going on in that Stupid Woman's head. _One minute, they were discussing matters as important as life and death – and now it was as if they had not a single care in the world.

Strangely, he found himself thankful that she was capable of that.

"We all didn't know either." Yamamoto said with a cheerful grin. "You should've told us about it."

"It's all the Stu- I mean, Haru's fault." Gokudera said defensively. "She did most of the work, so don't thank me."

"No, he's just being modest, he actually-" Haru's words stopped in their tracks as she noticed the amused and knowing looks that Tsuna, Takeshi and Kyoko were sharing. "Hahi! It's not what you think!" She exclaimed.

"What are we supposed to think, then?" Tsuna asked curiously.

"Is that the reason you've both been gone during the holidays?" Yamamoto inquired.

"Hahi! No, no, it's nothing like that ~desu." Haru said, waving her arms in a dismissive gesture. "Tell them, Gokudera-san."

"Tell them what?" he said.

"No, it's alright, I already said it'd be okay if you didn't tell us." Tsuna smiled.

"But that doesn't keep you guys from getting the wrong idea ~desu." Haru said.

"Don't worry Haru-chan. We won't ask any more questions. We'll wait until you feel ready to tell us." Kyoko said.

"LOOK! THERE'S A GIANT JELLYFISH IN THE SKY!" Lambo exclaimed, pointing up at the heavens and taking everone's attention – to the relief of both Gokudera and Haru.

"It's huge to the EXTREME!" Ryohei shouted as he carried the little Bovino on his shoulders.

"It's just a hot air baloon, Stupid Cow!" Gokudera snapped.

"You're the stupid one, Stupidera!" The cow shouted back.

"Why you-!"

Haru smiled as they took in the last rays of the afternoon sun, thankful that at least, despite everything that's happened, after finding out what the silver-haired bomber was going through – they still had an afternoon of peace, an afternoon where everything felt like everything was back to the way it was before.

And she hoped with all her might, that they would have a lifetime more.

* * *

Gokudera walked through his usual nighttime haunts around Namimori's park, taking in the fresh air and the waft of smoke from the cigarette between his lips. He was glad with the silence and peace he was currently enjoying, a moonlight walk that gave him a small sense that everything was right with the world, for now, at least. He felt at peace with himself – not because he had fully accepted that he would die at any moment, but because, he finally realized that he did not accept it as easily as he thought he would. Now, he knew, he wanted to live, and there was nothing more reasurring than that... and it was all thanks to her.

He took another waft of smoke, and a small smile made its way to his face when he pictured Haru trying to take the cigarette from his hands and lecture him about the dangers of smoking. He tosses the cigarette to the ground and crushes it under his shoes, the embers dying out and the smoke dissipating into the black nothingness.

Seconds later, the rain begins to fall from the sky. He mutters curses in all the languages he knew, but lets himself get drenched anyway. Standing under the rain makes no difference to running when you have no umbrella. Until he sees her silhouette a few meters away under the gate of the park's lamplight, holding up an umbrella, clutching on her jacket for warmth, gazing into the darkness, waiting, wondering, hoping. He walked slowly towards her, a look of bemused confusion n his face.

He needs to utter no words to ask her the question in his eyes.

"H-haru was helping the others pack up, but then Haru noticed that you weren't there, so I looked around – I figured you wouldn't remember to bring an umbrella." She said hastily, trying to hide the reddish tinge in her cheeks.

"But how did you know-?" the question died in his throat as she gave her immediate reply.

"You're not the only one who likes taking walks outside ~desu." She smiled, but it was soon replaced by an irritated look when she realizes something as he steps under her umbrella – he smells of burnt tobacco. "You've been smoking again, Gokudera-kun."

He sees the irritation on her face fade into sadness and concern, he smiles a small smile and promises to himself – he would no longer smoke another cigarette, even if it was just so he would never have to see that look on her face and the worry in her eyes anymore. _Because it's just so damn annoying._

She catches her breath as she realizes she's done it again. _Since when have I started calling him Gokudera-kun? _The slight affection in the honorific surprised her – she remembers using it once before, during the first hours of the year, as they greeted each other. She wonders if she'll be able let herself call him that from now on.

He takes the umbrella in his hands and they walk in the night, she starts lecturing him, and he continues silently, pretending to pretend to listen – because he was afriad of how much he wanted to hear her voice, how familiar and comforting it has become.

* * *

::Hah! Cheeze galore! It's so hard to try and write subtle romance when Gokudera and Haru are anything but subtle characters. And Haru's third person speech is being a bit difficult.

::Anyway, I guess this chapter seems to be a bit too melancholic... I think it's partly due to the cold weather – sad stories really get to me during times like this. At least Hayato found some hope in the end, eh?

::I already got a slight idea of what the next chapter's gonna be like, but I can't really promise when I'll be able to update.

::Thanks for reading! Please review!


	4. Paper Planes, Paper Cranes

::I am really sorry this took so long.

::I don't own KHR and its wonderful characters.

* * *

"**.Paper Planes, Paper Cranes."**

Gokudera managed to wake up early the next morning, and had bathed and dressed even before the sun came up. _Everything's back to normal. _Well, as normal as life being a teenage mafioso could be. He thought as he locked his apartment door and headed out.

Once he got to the street corner, a rather familiar voice greeted him.

"Oi! Good morning Gokudera." Yamamoto greeted in his usual cheerful tone.

"Oh, it's just you, baseball-idiot." Gokudera sighed. "What the hell are you doing out so early?"

"Eh? I'm always up this early – it's my morning jog routine. Coach has us doing extra exercise for the upcoming game." Yamamoto answered. "You're on your way to Tsuna's right?"

"Seeing as I am the Tenth's right-hand-man, it's only natural for me to be early and accompany him to school." Gokudera replied proudly.

"Goodmorning~desu, Yamamoto-san! You're up early as always." Haru greeted as she made her way toward them from her street. "Hahi? Gokudera-ku…-san! You're already awake! I was thinking of dropping by to wake you up."

"I don't need a living alarm clock, Stupid Woman."

"HARU IS -!"

"Tch, fine, fine. Sorry. I just forgot. It's so early in the morning and you're already this noisy." Gokudera said with slight irritation. "What are you laughing at, baseball-freak?"

"Don't mind him Yamamoto-san. He's just angry in the morning." Haru said dismissively. "Have you eaten breakfast? Haru brought some bread from home. Gokudera-san can have some too since he apologized so nicely."

_Yeah, that's right. Everything's… the way it should be. _He thought as they walked towards the Sawada household.

* * *

"DID YOU GUYS HEAR? Hayato-kun from Class A is back!" A girl squealed as she happily relayed the news to her friends.

"He was absent the whole week before the winter holidays. I wonder what happened." One from their circle remarked.

"Ah, I almost forgot how popular Gokudera-kun is." Tsuna said as they walked along the hallways to their respective classrooms. "We'll see you later then, Gokudera-kun, Haru."

"Yeah. Later." Yamamoto said as he joined the Decimo. "Thanks for the bread, Haru!"

"Please ask Kyoko-chan and Sawada-san to join us for lunch later!" she replied in a similarly cheerful tone.

* * *

The rest of the morning went on just as any other morning usually did, and for once in his life, Hayato Gokudera was thankful for it. None of the teachers bothered asking him about his absence, since his test scores were one of the highest for their year level either way. He managed to answer the questions thrown at him, and even sneaked in a nap once or twice.

_How can he just take this so… calmly? _Haru mused as she gazed upon the view outside her window. The baseball team was busy practicing. _How can he act so normally despite knowing he could die at any moment? _He was acting so strong that it almost felt painful to her.

_If Gokudera-kun can be strong and calm, then Haru should too. _

"Oi, oi. Stupid woman. Hey." _Damnit it, what's with her? Is she trying to tell me she won't even respond to that anymore? _Gokudera thought. "Tch, fine. Oi, Haru!"

Haru broke from her reverie. "Hahi? Gokudera-kun! I was just-"

"Hayato-kun just called Haru-chan by her first name." a nearby girl said in an audible whisper to the friend next to her. To which said friend replied: "He's never done that to anyone before. And Haru-chan called him Gokudera-kun."

_What the hell is the big deal with all these formalities and names? _Gokudera thought irritably. _In Italy I could call anyone whatever the heck I wanted. Damn._

"Hahi! You're getting the wrong idea ~desu! It's nothing, real-" Haru tried to tell them, but Gokudera cut her short by grabbing her arm and taking her out of the classroom.

"You invited the Tenth for lunch, we can't keep him waiting." was all of Gokudera's explanation.

"Alright then, fine. But you didn't have to drag me out of there. Haru can walk on her own, you know." She said, freeing her arm from Gokudera's grip and turning to leave. "You go first. I left something in my locker."

Gokudera shrugged it off and went to find the Tenth, ignoring any and all murmurs from the crowd along the hallway.

"Juudaime!" He greeted as he saw his boss exit the classroom carrying a stack of paper. "Are you having lunch with us at the rooftop?"

"I'll catch up to you guys with Kyoko-chan." The future Tenth boss of the Vongola replied. "We still have something the teacher asked us to do. Yamamoto's at baseball practice, but I think he'll be joining us as well. See you in a bit!"

"I could help you if you like, Juudaime." He offered. "It's my duty as your right-hand-man."

"There's no need, Gokudera-kun. It's alright. I'll see you later."

"If you say so, Juudaime."

_Everyone's got something keeping them busy._ _I guess I should just go up and wait for them. _He thought as he entered the stairwell leading to the school building's rooftop. _How long can I keep this up? How long will I be of service to the Tenth? _

_Tch, it's no use thinking about that now._

Two voices from the upper flight of steps break his train of thought.

"M-Miura-san."

"Hahi? What is it, Sato-san?"

"I'm sorry to bother you at a time like this, but… I-I've always admired you from afar, ever since I saw you on the first day of class – when you helped me find my room assignment… Miura-san is always cheerful, and kind, and helpful…"

Gokudera couldn't understand why he wasn't feeling like rolling his eyes and sighing, or leaving the two alone – strangely, he stayed rooted to the spot, and though he didn't want to admit it to himself… he wanted to hear everything.

"…and always smiling. So, Miura-san… if-if it's alright with you… would you g-go out w-with me?"

_No shit. This guy's actually asking the Stupid Woman out on a date. The hell? He can't even say it clearly... and why do I even give a shit?_

"Uh… I-I'm really sorry, Sato-san, but… I don't see you in that way." Haru said kindly.

"Is-is there someone you already like, then?"

"…yes." Haru said sheepishly.

_Well, obviously, since the Stupid Woman's been in love with the Tenth since Middle School. _

"I-it's alright, Miura-san. I'm just glad I could finally tell you how I felt." The boy said as he turned to leave. "Thank you."

* * *

Gokudera decided to wait a little bit before going up the stairs, not wanting Haru to have any ideas, and also, because he thought he might never hear the end of it.

"Haru thought you went upstairs first." She said when she saw him. "No-one's here yet."

"I got held up somewhere." He said coolly. _She looks… redder than usual. _"What's up with you?"

"Hahi? N-nothing, nothing ~desu." She said hastily. "I was just wondering what was taking everyone so long… you don't think they're leaving us alone here on purpose or anything, do you?"

"You think too much, Stu-Haru." Gokudera said irritably.

"Thanks for remembering not to call me stupid." Haru smiled. "But then calling me just Haru would make other people get the-"

"Like I said, you think too much." The silver haired bomber avoided her gaze and rested on the rooftop's railings, gazing upon Namimori. "I don't really care if they get the wrong idea or whatever – your name is Haru, and there's nothing wrong with me calling you that. Or does it really bother you so much? I'm not really into this whole formalities and honorofics thing but-"

"No, you're right, Gokudera-kun." She said. "Haru is my name after all."

Minutes pass in contemplative silence, both of them not saying a word and just looking upon the view they've known for years now – the streets, the skyline, the cloudy blue spring sky, the cherry blossom trees just beginning to bloom… everything about Namimori was familiar to them now… and though they might not readily admit it, they both knew that this familiarity now included the presence of each other.

"Sorry we took a while, Haru-chan." Kyoko said as she and Tsuna emerged from the stairwell. "We had to go to the faculty room and drop off the class's homework."

"It's alright. I just thought it'd be nice to have our first school lunch of the year together on the rooftop like this – Yamamoto-san told me you did this back in Middle School." Haru said, gesturing for them to sit down and handed everyone a bento.

Yamamoto arrived just then, sweating and still wearing his baseball uniform. "Sorry I'm late!"

"What took you so long, baseball-idiot?" Gokudera snapped. "You kept the Tenth and Haru waiting."

"Its' fine, Gokudera-kun. Yamamoto's been working hard lately." Tsuna said. "Let's eat!"

They all opened the bento boxes Haru handed out and were faced with a dish most of them were unfamiliar with. "It's smells good!" Yamamoto complimented. "But I've never seen rice like this… it has cream and cheese in it?"

"Yes it does." Haru smiled. "It was my first time trying to cook Risotto – it's a common way of cooking rice in Italy. I wanted to know what everyone thinks about it so I could improve."

Gokudera stared at the food in the bento box before him, and cast a knowing look at Haru. There was surely a reason why Haru would just suddenly decide to cook something Italian like this – and everyone else seemed to know that as well, since he could feel the knowing smiles everyone gave them.

"So what do you think, Gokudera?" Takeshi asked.

The silver-haired Storm Guardian took a mouthful and said with all honesty and to his own surprise: "It… it tastes like… home."

Haru smiled.

* * *

The day went on uneventfully, like any other, and somehow everyone felt like they've been going to school for months and vacation didn't even happen. Well, for most of the students, at least. As usual, Gokudera and Haru made their way to Tsuna's classroom after the bell rang.

"Hahi? Where are the others?" Haru asked as they entered the room.

"Kyoko-chan already went home with Nii-san, and Yamamoto's still busy with practice." Tsuna answered.

"Would you like us to accompany you home then, Tenth?" Gokudera suggested as his boss was clearing his desk.

"I'm not going home yet – Reborn's asked me to meet him and I can't really say no to him, so, I guess I'll see you guys later." Tsuna sighed.

"Best of luck, Juudaime!" Hayato said encouragingly as Tsuna left. He then turned to Haru "So, what now?"

"Hahi?" Haru chirped.

"Everyone's so busy with themselves all of a sudden." He observed. "I don't really do much except train, study, and serve the Tenth. I'm sure you're gonna go and lecture me about training when I just got out of the hospital, so why don't we make this easier for ourselves?"

"Haru did plan on asking you to visit the shrine with me this weekend, but we can go today if you're okay with it ~desu." Haru said sheepishly. "I was only going to ask you because we both weren't able to go on New Year's day with the others, and well… the fresh air and the quiet…"

"It's not like this is a respiratory disease, woman. And I'm not an old man." He said, but reluctantly agreed to go all the same.

* * *

The two took a quiet bus ride to Namimori Shrine, both thinking at the back of their minds how strange it was that they could finally enjoy comfortable silence with each other. Only a few weeks ago, they couldn't exist within a meter of each other without shouting at each other or calling each other names or having another argument.

Breaking from his reverie, Gokudera noticed that Haru was sleeping soundly, leaning on the window beside her. _So that's why it's been so quiet. _He guessed that she woke up really early that morning to be able to prepare lunch for everyone. He smiled a little, remembering the risotto's taste – it really did taste like home. It was so similar to the food he'd grown up with, the food he was accustomed to back in Italy. While he wouldn't openly thank her for it, it was _nice - _the sort of bittersweet nostalgia that comes with any memory of his former home, his former life. Somewhere inside him though, a feeling of guilt was brewing – he felt that Haru shouldn't be going this far for him, like he didn't deserve all of the time and effort she was willing to give him.

That, he reasoned to himself, is the only reason why he is with her right now – only buy giving in and trying to pay back her kindness can he put his mind at ease… or at least, that is what he tells himself. Because knowing that his life might not last any longer, he cannot allow himself too much attachment, nor can he allow anyone else to get attached to him.

"Well, we're here." Gokudera said once the bus came to a halt and woke Haru up.

"H-Hahi?" Haru said with a yawn as she rubbed her eyes. "Haru didn't realize she was that sleepy."

"We should've just gone home if you're so tired." He commented as they started climbing up the shrine's steps.

"Is that concern in your voice, Gokudera-kun?" Haru said with a hint of surprise. "I'm perfectly fine ~desu!" she announced, and started picking up speed as she raced to the top of the stairs.

Out of sheer reflex-action from all the years of constantly trying to best one another in the service of the tenth, Hayato found himself trying to climb as fast as he could to catch up with her – and immediately regretted it once they had both reached the top. "Damnit woman." He said while still on his knees trying to catch his breath. "If you wanted a running partner you should've asked the baseball-idiot to come with you, not me." _God, what did I just let myself do?_

Haru kneeled down in front of him, a look of concern on her face. "I-I'm sorry." She said worriedly. "I never thought you'd actually go and run up the stairs with me – Haru just wanted to wake herself up. I didn't want you to work yourself up so hard since you just got out of the hospital and-"

"Don't apologize." Hayato said. "I was stupid for trying to run up here anyway."

"Hahi?" Haru said, laughing a little. "Is Gokudera-kun calling himself stupid?"

"Your stupidity is infecting me." he said, trying to get back on his feet and rubbing himself off.

"You're so mean." She said childishly. "Anyway, are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, just fine. Now, what is it we came here to do?" Gokudera asked.

Haru led him to the center of the Shrine, to a small roofed structure with a bell and a wooden prayer box. "Just follow Haru's lead and we'll be fine." She smiled. Gokudera reluctantly agreed – he noticed that he was doing that a lot lately when it came to Haru.

Haru proceeded to put a coin in the box, bowed deeply twice, clapped her hands twice, bowed again, rang the bell, and closed her eyes in prayer. Gokudera managed to do all this while wondering if he was doing anything wrong or offensive or embarrassing all through the ordeal.

His doubts cleared when Haru smiled her usual bright smile after bowing one last time. "Thanks for coming with me, Gokudera-kun. I don't think you've actually gone on a real shrine visit, despite having lived here in Namimori for a few years now."

"Well, there was that one time in the future…" he began.

"But then you and Yamamoto-san were fighting against someone at that time. You didn't really get a chance to appreciate this place." She said. "Haru knows you're not really into these things, but… well… thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?" he said. "What else is here?"

"Well, there are good-luck charms and fortunes… but I don't really like reading fortunes." She answered. "I… I don't really want to know about the future before it gets here."

"I know exactly how you feel." Gokudera said semi-seriously.

"Don't joke like that!" Haru said, her smile faltering. "I… I actually asked you to come here with me because, well… I hoped you would find a bit of faith here – faith in yourself, faith that we can find a cure for you… faith that you'll be able to live out all the years of your life. Like I told you before –"

"Just believing in something can work wonders." He said, finishing her sentence.

"Yes, exactly." Haru smiled.

"I'll take your word for it then." He resolved.

* * *

They found themselves spending the rest of the afternoon in the shrine, and by the time the sun went down, they were once again sitting at the shrine's steps, overlooking the city below.

"I wonder if we'll be able to finish one-thousand paper cranes for a wish to come true." Haru said, taking another piece of paper from her bag and starting to fold another one. "We've only made five."

"You can ask the others to help out, and then we could just take them back here when we've completed one-thousand." Hayato suggested.

"That's a great idea!" Haru said enthusiastically. "That way, it would be like the wish came from all of us."

"I don't really know if these things actually work-" Gokudera started, but changed his statement once he saw Haru give him a warning look. "…but I guess there's no harm in believing."

"It's too bad the sky's so cloudy today – we can't see any stars." Haru said, looking wistfully up at the heavens.

"You know, this might sound pathetic from someone like me." Gokudera began to say. "But, back when I was a kid, our house overlooked an entire countryside… and whenever it's cloudy like this and there aren't any stars, I used to imagine that the next town's lights were stars." _Why did I even say that?_

"It's not pathetic at all. I didn't know you were so cute back then, Gokudera-kun." She said with amusement as she looked at the city lights below, shining like diamonds, like miles of little flames, like a second sky full of stars.

"Trust me, I wasn't." he said in reply.

"You seem like you were a happy little kid." Haru said with a giggle. "How'd you end up so mean and grumpy?"

"That's another story." Gokudera said with finality.

_Maybe one day he'll trust me enough to tell me._

He took a piece of paper and folded it into a paper plane – a thing so familiar to him, a thing from his past, a memory of a life he used to have… and he let it fly and be taken by the spring breeze. _When I was a kid, I used to believe that the paper planes could take letters to my mother. _

And he was glad that today, he learned to believe in little miracles again, no matter how wistful and childish they might seem. And it was all thanks to her and her stubborn determination to keep him believing.

* * *

::Oh my god, I am so glad to finally be able to update again! I am so sorry for taking so long, but I've been going through a lot, and this story kind of helped me through it – which is probably why this chapter is full of hope and cheesy fluffies… because I think everyone needs a bit of hope in their life, and I just can't bring myself to write hopeful things when I just couldn't find any for myself… now that I have, well… you see where it's taken our couple over there.

::Emo-ing aside, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME AND THIS STORY. I hope you guys keep reading, no matter how long I take to update.


	5. On the Way to a Smile

::I've decided to take a Creative Writing course this semester, and I'm so glad I did. I hope it helps me with my fanfiction writing. Thank my professor for inspiring me to write more often.

::I don't own KHR.

* * *

"**.On the Way to a Smile."**

Gokudera stood up after noticing Haru yawn. "We should get going."

Haru rubbed her eyes and checked the time on her cell phone – it was already past eight. "Hahi! Haru didn't even notice that time was going by so quickly." They've been at the shrine since four. Imagine that, four hours together without a single argument.

"Don't you have curfew or something?" Gokudera asked.

"Not till ten. We've got plenty of time to make it back. We could even have dinner or somet-" Haru suddenly stopped as she realized the possible consequences of her offer.

"Okay. Dinner." Gokudera said plainly.

'_Maybe I really do think too much.' _Haru mentally berated herself as they were on the bus ride from the shrine. Gokudera was sitting beside her, looking out the window, seemingly enveloped in his own thoughts. Haru thought back on what he had said earlier: _'…back when I was a kid, our house overlooked an entire countryside… and whenever it's cloudy like this and there aren't any stars, I used to imagine that the next town's lights were stars.'_

She smiled a little as she imagined what it would be like to see a little Gokudera gazing out at the night sky so wistfully like he had described, so innocent, so free, so hopeful, so blissfully happy without a care in the world. Perhaps, she thought to herself, maybe he had let her see a small part of that tonight, that small part of him that was still a little kid in Italy… and she had decided that she would like to find out what it was that changed him so much, where that innocent happiness had gone, and if there was a way to bring it back again.

She had decided that finding that out could be the first and most important step to helping Hayato fight his illness. What was the point of a medical cure if the patient himself didn't believe in it?

The bus had stopped and they got off near their neighborhood. "I know this one place near here. It's where I eat when it's kind of late." Gokudera said as he walked and Haru followed. "Do you eat ramen?"

"Yeah." She said. "I didn't know you did."

Gokudera kept his silence as they continued walking through the quiet lamp lit streets. After passing a few blocks, Haru noticed a small, traditional-looking ramen house. It was a quiet place, with just one other person inside.

"Two specials, old man." Gokudera said as he sat down at the counter.

"Two? You feeling hungry, Hayato?" The sixty-something man said from behind the counter, already busy with the order without looking behind him. "Here." He said, setting down two bowls of steaming ramen, and finally noticing Haru.

"Oh, who's this pretty young lady?" the ramen shop owner said with a knowing smile.

"I'm Miura Haru ~desu." Haru replied. "Nice to meet you, sir."

"Call me Daiichi-san." The man said cheerfully. "Hayato's never brought anyone with him here before, much less someone so polite, unlike the rude brat that he is."

"We're just friends, old man, don't get any weird ideas." Gokudera said with a sigh as he separated his chopsticks and started eating.

"Just friends, eh?" he said with an amused smile as he turned back to his work. "Kids these days. Ah well, you're young. You've still got all the time in the world."

Hayato decided not to give the man a reply, concentrating instead on the steaming bowl of ramen in front of him. He noticed that Haru was uncharacteristically silent, and that she was merely staring at her food.

Haru broke from her reverie. "Hahi! It's nothing Gokudera-kun." She smiled as she separated her chopsticks to start eating. "I just… well, I never knew about this place, despite it being so close to home."

'_There it is again – that smile.' _Hayato thought silently. He didn't know when he had begun to realize it, that Haru had two smiles. One was genuine, full of the joy she seemed to limitlessly posses. The other, like the one he had just seen, was the smile she put on whenever she was worried, or scared – the smile she would put on to show others she was alright, the smile he often saw on her face during their time in the future.

"You should take more walks at night then." He said. "But then that might not be a very good idea for you."

"Haru can take care of herself ~desu." She replied. "You guys always assume that Kyoko-chan and I need protecting, while you're the ones risking your lives. Sometimes I wonder if that's all I'm ever going to be able to do – cook and worry for you."

"That's not true." He argued. "We never would've been able to get through everything we have without you."

Haru smiled, her genuine smile. "Thank you, Gokudera-kun."

"I-I'm just telling it like it is." He said sheepishly. "It was something Reborn-san said to us back then… that the Vongola are stronger when they have something to protect… err, anyway, we should finish eating. It's getting late."

Silence settled as the two finished their ramen. "Thanks for the food." Gokudera said as he handed Daiichi the payment.

"Uh… Gokudera-kun, here's my share-" Haru began as she took out her purse.

"It's alright Haru." Hayato said. "Besides, the old man would never let me hear the end of it if I let you pay."

"Damn right I won't. True gentlemen never let the lady pay." Daiichi said as he handed Gokudera back his payment. "Think of this as my treat, brat." He smiled. "You're becoming a real man."

"What the -?" Gokudera said. "You don't have to-"

"I said it was my treat." The ramen shop owner said. "Think of it as a promo for bringing in a new customer."

"Fine. Thanks, I guess." Gokudera reluctantly agreed.

"Thank you, Daiichi-san." Haru said politely.

"You're both welcome. And come back again, okay?" he said cheerfully. "Hayato, you better take care of this young lady. She's a good influence on you."

"Tch. Stop saying weird things old man." Gokudera said with some embarassment as he turned to leave.

'_Heh. Just friends? They should see how they look at each other.' _Daiichi thought from behind the counter. _'Reminds me of the good old days.'_ He chuckled a little as the two left his ramen shop.

* * *

The two find themselves walking the familiar street to their respective homes, the lamplight shining on the asphalt, the empty sky devoid of stars looming above them, and they soon reach the gate to the Miura residence.

"Err… uhm, Gokudera-kun." Haru began to speak as they stopped walking. "Thanks for tonight. For coming with me, for the ramen…"

"Don't mention it." Gokudera said, not meeting her eyes. "Think of it as my pathetic way of repaying you."

"Haru doesn't think it's pathetic." Haru said with a smile. "I guess we both just can't stand owing each other something."

"Maybe." He said. "Uh… goodnight then."

"Take care, Gokudera-kun. See you tomorrow ~desu!" Haru said as she opened the gate and entered her house.

* * *

A few hours later, as Haru lay on her bed to sleep, their latest conversation was swimming in her thoughts. '_I guess we both just can't stand owing each other something.'_

Did she really mean what she said?

She thought all this, the things she's trying to do, these were things that any friend would naturally do for someone else. It was only natural to care about your friends and do your best to help them out, right? Hayato was no different, wasn't he?

She started to wonder if all this, this willingness to help him, was still because of his sickness, of the fact that his life could be taken at any moment… or if it was turning into something else, something far more powerful than pity, or friendship – certainly, it was something she never would have imagined she would feel towards the silver-haired Storm Guardian only a few months ago.

Haru buried her face in her pillow as she pushed these thoughts out of her mind. _'Not now, Haru. There are more important things to think about.' _She thought to herself. _'I want to find out… to find out what happened to Gokudera-kun…' _The reason why his green eyes look more somber during the rare times he lets himself talk about the past or his childhood, the reason why she's always felt that he's been carrying a lot of weight on his shoulders, even before finding out about this illness… she had resolved that tomorrow, she would do everything she could to find out.

* * *

Their morning classes went by like it typically did. The only difference was that as their teacher droned on about this and that, Haru's thoughts were fluttering about.

'_I wonder if Tsuna-kun knows about Gokudera-kun's past… probably not, since Gokudera-kun would never let himself cause Tsuna-kun to worry. But, maybe Reborn-san has told him something.' _Haru thought. _'If only Bianchi-san was here, but she's in Italy right now… there must be someone I could ask…'_

She gazed outside the window, and there, as the baseball team was busy practicing in the school's grounds, she found her answer.

'_Hahi, that's it! Yamamoto-san! Why didn't I think of you earlier?' _Haru inwardly cheered. Yamamoto must know something. He is practically Gokudera's best friend, after all.

And so, as the final bell rang, Haru fixed her things and made her way out of the classroom, trying to avoid Gokudera's gaze and composing herself so as to not appear suspicious… which of course, made her look even more suspicious.

"Haru." Gokudera said just as she was about to exit the door.

"H-hahi?" she squeaked, trying to hide her nerves as she turned to face him.

"Juudaime's on classroom clean-up duty today." He said. "I'm going to help him out, so err…"

Haru breathed a sigh of relief. "It's okay, Gokudera-kun. I need to do something too, so I'll see you downstairs later when you're done, okay?" she said hastily as she quickly made her way out.

Gokudera stopped for a moment, wondering why Haru seemed more jumpy than usual, and when did they decide that they would be going home together… is this going to happen every day from now on?

He realized, to his own surprise, that he wouldn't mind that at all. But he would never say this out loud of course.

* * *

'_I'll see you downstairs later. Haru, what did you just say?' _Haru thought as she raced downstairs and made her way to the baseball pitch. _'What if he was trying to say that I shouldn't wait up for him? What if he had other things to do? Why did I suddenly get the idea we'd be walking home together?'_

Haru brushed her thoughts and embarrassment aside, berating herself inwardly for once again 'thinking too much' as Gokudera had put it. Again, she reminded herself that there were other things she should be thinking about.

She walked to the benches and handed a resting Yamamoto a bottle of water. "Can I talk to you for a moment, Yamamoto-san?"

"Oh, Haru, it's you." Takeshi said with a smile as he gratefully took the bottle. "Coach! I'm gonna take a break for a while okay?" he said, turning to the mid-twenties man clutching his stainless-steel whistle as he drilled the team members in front of him.

The man turned to look at him, saw Haru, gave him a knowing smile, and said: "If you're not back in fifteen minutes Yamamoto, you're going to do ten extra laps around the pitch before heading home."

"Yes coach." Takeshi said, as he took the towel beside him and stood up, leading Haru to the empty bleachers a few meters away from any other people.

"So, what's up?" he said, putting the towel over his shoulder and drinking the water she had handed to him.

"I'm sorry for bothering you while you're busy with practice, Yamamoto-san." She said sheepishly, wondering how she should phrase her question.

"It's no problem. Coach just says that, but he knows I do ten extra laps anyway." He said with his usual cheerful chuckle. "Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?"

Haru took a deep breath and asked: "It's about Gokudera-kun…" she said.

Takeshi sat up from his previous laid-back position and turned to look at her. "Why? Is there a problem between you two?"

"Hahi! No, nothing like that, Yamamoto-san." she said dismissively. "It's just… Haru was wondering, if you knew anything about Gokudera-kun's past… his childhood… things like that."

Yamamoto's face became a little more serious as he pondered how to answer her question. "Well… Gokudera doesn't really talk about himself much at all. All I can really tell you is that he's been in the mafia since he was a kid, he's been fighting alone all his life before he met Tsuna. I guess that's why he's so loyal to him." He stated.

"What about before his days in the mafia? Has he ever said anything about that?" she asked.

"No, not really." Yamamoto answered. "There is one thing that Reborn told me and Tsuna… back when we were in the future… do you remember that time when he was really moody and wasn't eating? It wasn't just because he was frustrated with his training."

"So what happened then?"

"I'm not really sure if I'm the right person to tell you that. I don't even think Gokudera knows that Tsuna and I know about it." He replied. "You know what? I think you should just ask him."

"You think he'd actually trust me enough to tell me, Yamamoto-san?" she asked sheepishly.

"Honestly, if he'd ever tell anyone about it, it would probably be you." He said with a thoughtful smile.

* * *

"Thanks for helping out, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna said as he closed the door to their homeroom after finishing up his cleaning duties.

"It's the least I can do as your right-hand-man, Juudaime." He said politely. "Would you like me to accompany you home? Haru asked me to meet her after this, so maybe she was thinking of walking home with you too…"

"It's alright Gokudera-kun. I'm going… somewhere with Kyoko-chan today." He said. "See you tomorrow then… and take care of yourself, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna said just as Gokudera turned to leave.

Gokudera paused for a moment, deciphering the worry in his boss's voice. "Don't worry about me! See you, Juudaime." He waved as he left and went downstairs to wait for Haru.

'_Juudaime seems worried for some reason.' _He pondered as he walked around and passed the school building's main doors. _'Where is she?' _He decided to walk around and look for her. After a few minutes, he found her near the baseball pitch, sitting on the bleachers by herself, gazing at the baseball pitch. He wondered if this was the reason she was rushing out the classroom earlier, why she seemed more nervous than usual.

…but most of all, he wondered why he had this short but sudden urge to hit the baseball-idiot with a Flame Arrow as he saw him pass first base.

He decided against it, of course. Haru noticed him coming closer and jumped up in shock – causing her to fall down awkwardly one level of bleachers. Hayato rushed over.

"What the hell was that?" Gokudera said as he helped Haru up to take a seat.

"Errr… a bee came by and tried to sting me, so I tried to avoid it." She said hastily, as she massaged the ankle she landed poorly with.

"Avoid it by falling down and spraining your ankle?" Gokudera said with disbelief. "You're acting weirder than usual." He stated. "If you wanted to watch the baseball team practice you could've just told me."

"I- uh… okay." Haru said, going with Hayato's remark and deciding it would be more complicated if she told him why she was there in the first place. "It's just… Yamamoto-san is so busy practicing for the upcoming game, so Haru tried to see how he's doing."

"You don't have to explain." He said dismissively. "Can you walk?"

Haru tried to stand and did her best to hide her wince from the pain. "Haru will be fine ~desu." She forced a smile. "Let's go."

"You're obviously not okay." He said. "I… err… I could carry you or something."

"Hahi?" Haru squeaked. "There's no need, Gokudera-kun. This is nothing!"

"I don't want you wincing all the way to your house, and we both know it's just going to get worse if you try walking around with that." He said with a tone of annoyance in his voice and sighed. "We've got no choice."

She reluctantly agreed. It was… very strange, very awkward, having so much physical contact with the silver-haired boy as he carried her on his back. She felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. He was so close. _Too close. _He could probably feel her heart beating. She had never seen the silver of his hair this close before.

"Let… let me down, Gokudera-kun." She said to his ear.

"I'm not as frail as you think I am. I'm fine. You're actually lighter than I expected." He said somewhat jokingly.

"It's not that ~desu." She said. _'What if this makes his illness worse?'_ "Please, Gokudera-kun. Let go."

"I told you, this is nothing." He retorted back. "Do you really think I'm that weak?"

"No… I… I just don't want you to carry me like this." She said as she struggled to pull away and caused them both to fall.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" he said.

"Haru doesn't want to be another burden, okay?" Haru said, forcing her tears back. "Haru doesn't… doesn't want to add to your problems. I don't want to be additional weight on your shoulders."

"You don't mean this literally, do you?" he surmised. "How will you get home then?"

"I-I… don't carry me on your back. Haru can step with her other foot. We… we can walk side-by-side." She explained.

"Damn it woman, why do you make things so complicated?" he said, but put her arm over his shoulders and supported her all the same.

* * *

They slowly but surely found their way to Haru's house, and he helped her sit down on the living room sofa. Hayato noticed a pile of thick books stacked on top of the coffee table – all of them special medical books on rare diseases. He realized just how much she was willing to do to help him. _'How am I ever going to be able to repay her for this?'_

"So, a sprain… ice and elastic bandages, right?" Hayato said as he got ice from the freezer and handed it to her. She pointed to a first-aid kit on top of a cabinet. He then proceeded to start wrapping her foot and ankle with the bandage.

"Haru can do it herself, you know." She said, trying to pry her foot away. "I've changed a lot of bandages in my lifetime."

"I remember." He said, not looking at her, but focusing on his work. "Trust me. I've changed a lot of bandages too… mostly my own. It's about time you found out how it feels when you're the patient."

"Is this payback for teaching you how it feels to cook for everyone?" Haru said with a chuckle as she resigned and let him treat her ankle.

"You could say that." He replied as he finished. "Now, would you mind telling me what the fuck is up with the whole 'I don't want to be a burden' shit? Is this because of my illness again?"

"No, it's not that at all." She said, and looked straight into his eyes. "I-I have a question, Gokudera-kun. Remember when I asked you last night, how the little kid that imagined the stars ended up so mean and grumpy? And… and you told me it was another story?"

'_If he'd ever tell anyone about it, it would probably be you.'_ Yamamoto's statement reassured her, and she took a deep breath and said: "…Haru was… I was wondering whether you could tell me."

Hayato sighed and a smile of mingled disbelief and amusement made its way to his face. "So this is why you were at the baseball pitch. You suck at lying."

"I realize that." She said shamefacedly.

"You tried asking the baseball-idiot about it… he probably doesn't know anything. Not even Juudaime does. I've never told anyone that story."

"I thought of asking Bianchi-san… but she's abroad right now." Haru confessed.

Hayato paused for a moment and contemplated. "Well, lucky for me. Of course, if she were here, she would've told you everything."

"So… you really don't plan on telling anyone… okay… I… I understand." Haru said with sadness in her tone.

"No… I'm lucky because, if anyone else was ever going to know about this, I want the story to come from my mouth." He said. "You have to promise me you'll add it to the list of things you can never tell anyone though."

Haru nodded. Gokudera mustered up his courage, and for the first time, the story of his life escaped his lips.

* * *

::The title of this chapter was taken from the Final Fantasy VII series of novellas. I felt like it fit the chapter because… well, I think having Hayato confront his past would be the first step in Haru's plan to 'return his smile.'

::Yeah… it sounds so cheesy now that I think about it. Anyway, this time it wasn't about Hayato facing his illness, but facing himself.

::Thanks for reading!


	6. The Distance Between Us

::I'm not dead.

::I don't own KHR.

* * *

"**.The Distance Between Us."**

As Hayato nearly finished telling her his life's tale, not once looking at her, but staring blankly in front of him all through the ordeal, she had been quiet, letting out only just a few gasps of disbelief. "I could never forgive him, my father. So, I left my home when I was eight, and I've been in the mafia since then." he said with both regret and contempt as he turned to her. "I was lucky enough to be taken in by the Vongola after a few years. I owe my life to the family."

Haru was clutching the couch's pillow. She had never known that the silver-haired guardian had been through so much. Her eyes were watery, but she tried her best to stop them from falling - she was sure Hayato would not have wanted her to cry for him. "Gokudera-kun... I-"

He shook his head solemnly, indicating that he wasn't finished. "Before we came back here from the future, Aneki gave me something. A set of letters between my mother and father." He sighed. "...and I found out that he did always love her – my mother… and me. And that she wasn't killed by my father's men, but she died in that car because of this illness, the same one I've got… on her way to see me on my third birthday."

This time, Haru couldn't stop her silent tears from falling. "I-I never thought... I never knew..." she mumbled between sobs. "I'm sor-"

Hayato had a sad smile on his face as he turned to face her. "Don't apologize, Haru." He wasn't sure if he really meant to, but he stretched out his hand and wiped the tears from her face. "...and please don't cry." He did not mind the affectionate gesture, or what it possibly could have meant for either of them - but he knew, more than anything, that he hated seeing her cry... especially when the tears she shed were tears meant for him.

"H-hahi?" Haru said, a slight blush on her cheeks as she noticed her tears being wiped away, as she felt the gentleness she's never seen from him before. She felt the need to hug him. To make him feel better. To tell him she would always be there. To help him. "...did I hear that right? Gokudera-kun actually said please?" Haru wiped her eyes and smiled at him. "O-okay, Haru won't cry anymore, since you asked so nicely."

Hayato smiled slightly as well. He sighed. "Thanks, Haru. I... I never thought I'd ever be able to tell anyone about this. It feels… nice. Finally knowing someone understands." He felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Was this what actual freedom felt like?

"Haru didn't do anything ~desu." she said sheepishly, looking up at him and seeing a complex mix of sadness, regret, joy and relief in his green eyes.

"You listened." he said. "...it's... more than enough."

"I could get used to this, Gokudera-kun's gentler side." Haru said with a chuckle.

Hayato laughed. "Don't push it, Haru. We're still going to argue and shout at each other tomorrow."

"Well, I wouldn't want to miss that." she replied. '_I... really don't.'  
_

"We'll need to find something to argue about sooner or later. The others are starting to notice that we're being too nice to each other." He said jokingly as he stood up to leave. "Keep ice on that sprain and don't exert yourself too much and you should be perfectly fine by tomorrow."

"Uhm… thank you, Gokudera-kun." Haru said sheepishly. _'for trusting me and telling me the truth…'_ "…for everything."

"As long as you never mention it to anyone ever again." He said. "I'll try to stop by in the morning so I can help you get to school in case your ankle doesn't feel like cooperating."

"Uhm, would you like to… to stay for dinner, Gokudera-kun?" she asked. "Mom will be home soon, but I don't think she'd mind."

"I can't. I err… I have something I need to do." He said awkwardly.

"See you tomorrow ~desu." Haru replied as he closed the door and left.

* * *

Haru subconsciously touched her cheek where the silver-haired boy had wiped off her tears only a few moments before – she was thinking to herself, trying to recall exactly how she felt at that moment. She had already known that something had truly changed between the both of them the past few months. But this time, she couldn't deny it to herself anymore. She'd have to acknowledge it… at least to herself.

'…_so the stuff they say in books, in movies… I guess it's true then.' _She mused. _'…it's impossible not to fall for someone when you've seen them at their most vulnerable moment.'_

She dropped her hand and leaned back on the couch, and closed her eyes. "It isn't the time for this. I can't… it's just…"Haru said to herself. No longer was Tsuna in those cheesy romantic scenes that her middle-school self used to imagine… those fantasies of becoming the Decimo's wife, of taking care of the kids, of long walks with hands intertwined…

…the girl who dreamed of becoming a mafia-boss' wife had now fallen in love with his right-hand man.

'_God I should really stop reading too much shojo manga.'_

* * *

"Tch." Gokudera cursed under his breath as he walked home from Haru's house. _'Damnit what the hell am I doing?!' _

This wasn't supposed to be happening. He was glad that there was someone who knew about his problems, someone who could understand him, someone he could talk to… but _this_, he didn't ask for whatever this was.

If they were in any other parallel world, perhaps, this would have given him joy beyond belief. He couldn't fully comprehend it, but whenever she was with him, he felt like his disease never existed, like the painful story of his past never happened… well, not exactly, but he felt like none of those things mattered. When he was with her, he was Hayato Gokudera, and he felt like that was all he had to be… but at the same time, he also felt like he should be so much more, so much better, to try and make it up to her, to be worthy of her.

He saw it in her eyes, he heard it in her voice, he felt it in her touch - Haru, she… she would do anything for him, and would never ask for anything in return… and he felt exactly the same way about her.

The thought of it scared him. _'This never should have happened.' _He thought inwardly as he dragged his feet while making his way to his apartment, half-wishing that time would stop at that moment, and would only move forward again when he's made sense of it all.

He's had a bad feeling about this ever since that night on New Year's Eve – that the day would come when he would grow far too attached to something and never be able to let it go… and that someone would feel that way about him.

…that for the first time in a very long time, he was scared, truly scared – of death… because not only would that mean leaving everything he's ever worked for, everyone he's ever known – the Tenth, the Baseball-idiot, the Stupid Cow… and Haru, and never seeing her again… but more than anything, he knew it would make her cry.

And he hated even just the thought of that most of all.

* * *

The sun rose the next day, the rest of the world oblivious. Haru was dressed and ready, passing the time she spent waiting for him by folding up some more paper cranes. _'We've already got fifty-nine._' She thought as she finished another one and put it in with the others. _'Maybe I should start telling everyone about this little project. One-thousand paper cranes for Gokudera-kun… well-wishes from everyone.' _She mused. _'…from Tsuna-kun, Yamamoto-san, Lambo-kun… and maybe I should ask Bianchi-san if she's still in contact with their father.' _She said as she started on her sixtieth crane. _'I have to make sure they don't find out about Gokudera-kun's illness though… or would it be better to tell them? Do the cranes still work if the ones who made them don't know what they're for?' _

'_But I already promised him that I wouldn't tell anyone.' _she sighed as she started eating her breakfast. She had hoped Hayato would have gotten there in time so they could eat together, but if she waited a bit more she might not make it to class on time. _'I guess I'll have to make him a bento instead.' _She thought as she gazed out the window for any sign of the silver-haired boy, the sun filtering in through the thin linen curtains. _'He did say he'd stop by today… didn't he? Or did I just imagine that?'_

Once she had finished cleaning her dishes and making the bento, there was still no sign of Gokudera. Haru grabbed her things and said goodbye to her parents, walking gingerly on her ankle – it was so much better than it was yesterday, at least. _'Maybe he had something really important to do.'_ She thought as she closed the door behind her and made her way to school.

The walk to the train station was nothing out of the ordinary, except perhaps the slight drizzle that made her grateful she didn't forget to bring an umbrella today. She had to remember not to put too much weight on her ankle though.

She stood on the platform waiting for the train to arrive, and then something on the opposite side caught her eye just as the train on the other side of the tracks passed by in front of her, obscuring her view, and time seemed to stop for a second – _'Hahi? Gokudera-kun?'_

…and time resumed, and if it was really him she saw, it no longer mattered, because he was no longer there.

'_Oh no Haru. You're starting to see him everywhere. This is not a good sign.'_

* * *

'_Oh right… I told her I'd help her get to school today.' _Gokudera mused as he left his apartment, fully intent on not going to school for the day. _'I'm sorry.' _And so here he was again, hours had passed by as he continued walking aimlessly, on a journey to nowhere – in search of the answers he already knew. _'It wouldn't be fair to her. I couldn't.'_

Memories flood into his mind – the reflection of the fireworks in her eyes on that New Year's eve night, the sweet scent of strawberry pancakes, an umbrella under the rain, paper planes in flight over city lights… the feeling of her breath on the back of his neck when he carried her on his back just yesterday…

'…_can I really just walk away and forget all about that?' _he mused as he walked slowly on the streets of Namimori. He stopped for a second when he noticed where he was. It was here where he met her for the first time, the weird, overly-enthusiastic girl in the strange samurai outfit, trying to challenge the Tenth – and him the ever-loyal right hand man ready to defend his boss. To think he once viewed her as a mere nuisance, a distraction… to the point of blowing her off the bridge where she had to be saved by his boss. How much would things have changed if he hadn't done that? Or if he had been the one who had saved her? Or if they had never met at all? _'It's been a long time since then. Things have changed so much.' _

It scared him, how much she mattered.

He suddenly felt something furry rub against his feet – he looked down to see a small tabby cat between his legs, its eyes looking up at him with fascination. "You remind me of someone."He smiled a little as he leaned down and petted the creature_. _

'_Don't they say that animals leave their owners when they feel like their time has come?' _he thought to himself. _'…maybe I should have done that right when I found out about this stupid illness. That would have saved everyone so much trouble.'_

But he knew his sense of duty to the Tenth would never have allowed it – and now there was also so much more he was hanging on to. _'Can I really just run away from everything? Is that what I'm going to do with the rest of what's left of my life?' _

That's right, running away. That was always his solution. Run away from the manor, from the past, from the truth. Run away and pretend that everything's okay… but that wasn't him anymore – over the past few weeks, he's changed. Acceptance, hope… the will to keep going… she taught him about those.

'_Maybe there's a way to stay, but also not let it get out of hand.' _He thought. Was there really? Wouldn't staying also mean just hurting her in the end, whether they did end up acting on the feelings they had for each other or not?

Just then, raindrops start falling from the sky, and soon Hayato was thoroughly drenched and the tabby cat had already left, to seek shelter for himself. He decided that it was time to go back to his apartment. _'Is there even a right answer to this? Is there really a choice?'_

Moments later, he arrives at his apartment and proceeds to get out of his wet clothes. _'Dammit why do I always forget to bring an umbrella?' _he thought as he changed into other clothes.

He suddenly felt light-headed and chilly, and the mere act of breathing took so much more effort than it should have… _'Oh fuck, not right now. Not this again…' _and then the world around him was devoured by darkness.

* * *

'_I wonder if Gokudera-kun's okay… could he be back in his apartment?' _Haru mused as she peered out at the rain from her window. The Storm Guardian wasn't at school at all that day, and no one, not even Tsuna, had an inkling of where he was. _'You're thinking too much about him, Haru.' _She said to herself… but changed her mind once she saw the bento she prepared just this morning.

'_We can't let good food go to waste.' _she thought, as she put on her rain gear and set off to find him.

Moments later she was knocking on his apartment's door to no avail – but the wet footsteps leading up to the door told her that he was in there. "Gokudera-kun! Gokudera-kun, it's Haru ~desu!" she said, tapping the window and peering inside. "Haru brought food, and is wondering why you weren't at school today." she continued, still receiving no sign of a reply. "I-is this a bad time?"

'_Did I do something wrong?' _she mused, tapping the window one last time – but then she saw it – there he was, sprawled out on the floor, unconscious.

"Hahi! Gokudera-kun!" she tried turning the doorknob to no avail, and then berated herself for not thinking of it earlier – she ran straight down to the landlord's unit. The middle-aged man opened the door, and helped carry Hayato over to his bed. "Has this ever happened to him before, sir?" she asked the man politely.

"Not that I remember – just the usual bruises and cuts. Hayato here always seems to be in the middle of a fight… but no, not suddenly unconscious like this." He replied. "We should probably just let him rest… but don't be afraid to just drop by my unit if you need anything."

Once the landlord had left, Haru proceeded to get a moist cloth and put it on top of his forehead. "You're burning up, Gokudera-kun." She muttered.

He stirred a little, and his eyes opened weakly. "…Haru."

"Are you okay?" she said worriedly. "I knew I should have passed by here this morning when you didn't show up! I'm really sorry and-"

"I should be the one apologizing to you." He said with an effort. "Do you think it's always going to be this way, Haru?" he continued. "Am I going to be lying on my back all day, never able to do anything? What kind of right-hand-man will I be then?"

She shook her head. "You'll be a great right-hand-man, Gokudera-kun. You'll get better and we'll make it through this. I promise."

"Can you really promise that?" he muttered rhetorically, eyes intent on not meeting hers. "You know… I… I tried leaving today. Just, you know, running away, leaving everything behind and forgetting it all happened. Making myself disappear, just like in the old days."

Haru gasped slightly. "But why would y-"

He interrupted her, finally with the courage to admit it, out loud. "Because - because I'm scared…" he confessed. "Damnit! I thought I was ready to face whatever happens, living, dying… I didn't think it would make any difference." He coughed a little.

"But then you came and- I just… I don't want… I don't want to die Haru." He said between labored breaths.

It was all because of her. A few months ago he would have welcomed death with open arms, contented in his service to the Decimo, happy with the memories he had made, and fully accepted all the things that had happened… but she changed everything. She gave him a chance. She gave him hope. She gave him her time, her effort, her comfort, her friendship…

She gave him a greater reason to live than he could have ever thought possible.

…and now, more than anything, he wanted to live long enough to repay her. He didn't know how long that would take, or if it was even remotely possible.

But damn it all, he wasn't going to let some illness stop him from trying.

"E-everything's going to be alright, Gokudera-kun." She mumbled, unsure of what else to say, as she brushed away his silvery hair with her fingers to check the temperature on his forehead. "Maybe we should call a doctor to make sure that-"

She was stopped mid-sentence, just as she was about to turn, by Gokudera clutching her wrist, and him almost whispering under his breath: "…no, don't… this is nothing. It's-" he said softly. "…just… just stay here. Please."

* * *

::And there it is. Yes I know this took forever but real life has a way of sucking all the time away from me… I hoped you guys enjoyed it. This is roughly based off of One Ok Rock's song "Peirce" because well this fic instantly came to mind when I first heard it.

::ALSO, THANK YOU TO MY OTHER-HALF-FROM THE LIFESTREAM: LEN. I PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE WRITING FANFICTION AGAIN IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

::If any of you are following my other fic (The Persistence of Memory) please bear with me just a bit longer… I'm working on the last four chapters and I'm planning on releasing them all at once. (I'm about 1/3 of the way through as of now, so hopefully it'll be up here by August)

::Thanks for reading! Please review!


	7. How Long is Forever?

::I've finally finished The Persistence of Memory, making this currently my only running fanfic.

::I don't own KHR.

* * *

"**.How Long is Forever?."**

She felt his grasp on her hand tighten, his fingers clutching onto her desperately as if she was the only thing anchoring him to existence – that if he let go of her hand, he would fade away and disappear. He was shuddering slightly, his light-green eyes fixed intently on her own, as if to memorize her, every strand of her hair, every curve of her face, every color reflected in her eyes – committing everything to memory.

'_Will I still remember you after I die?'_ He thought to himself for a moment, just before everything started fading in and out, his vision blurring erratically. He focused on her face. If this was the last thing he could keep with him, the one memory he could take with him to wherever it was the afterlife would take him – if it would be this: her, her name, her face, her dark brown eyes, the warmth of her skin, this moment when she had her hand in his… this wouldn't be too bad… in fact, he admitted inwardly to himself, half-guilty that it was not a memory related to his revered Boss, and half-embarrassed because it was just so goddamn cheesy, but wholly honest… that he would have had it no other way.

She had never seen him so scared before. She immediately dropped to her knees to face him at eye-level, clutching his hand as intently has he clutched onto hers. "Haru's here, Gokudera-kun. Haru will be right here, always. I'm not going anywhere." She said frantically, trying to reassure both him and herself, as if she could will him to stay with her with her words and every fiber of her being. "I'll always be here. I promise."

He closed his eyes intently, and then opened them slowly and faced her. "I'm sorry I put you through this, Haru." He said weakly. "I – I want you to know how thankful I am for everything and that I-"

"Don't apologize!" Haru said abruptly, fearing the tone in his voice, the finality of his sentence, fighting back tears, knowing by now how much he hated it when she cried. "And don't thank me… just please, please don't make it sound like…" she couldn't stop her voice from cracking. "…like you're saying goodbye." she continued pleadingly.

His heart was breaking at the sound of her voice. He should be the fragile one in this situation – the one desperately hanging on, but the pleading look in her eyes told him they were equally breaking, equally dependent… equally unable and unwilling to let go.

"Please. Just - please stay. Stay with me." She mutters under her breath like a prayer.

He smiled weakly and his eyes closed, his labored breathing finally grew calm and became regular, and he finally drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

"…please don't go." Haru whispered as she prayed to every entity she knew. '_Please, please keep him alive. Let him stay. I'll do anything.' _

Haru had stayed there, clutching his hand in hers until she was sure he was peacefully asleep. She then turned to go and make something for him to eat, and closed his bedroom door behind her.

As the door slowly creaked to a close and the final clink of the doorknob reached her ears as she let go, she realized suddenly that she was trembling all over, and put her hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs as she finally allowed the tears to flow from her eyes, she slid down to the floor because her legs felt brittle and seemed to shake beyond her control - they simply couldn't support her anymore. She couldn't let him see her like this, crying like an idiot while he's fighting for his life, but she just couldn't handle keeping it all inside. She realized finally, just how much he meant to her – just how far she was willing to go to keep him alive… maybe even if it meant she had to break a promise she swore to him.

He would have to be alive to be able to hate her, wouldn't he?

* * *

He opens his eyes weakly, just having woken from a dream he could no longer remember – except for a lingering melody in his ears that sounded distantly familiar, like that word at the tip of your tongue that you can never seem to recall when you needed it most.

He sees a forgotten bowl of soup on his bedside table, a wisp of smoke telling him it was not too long ago that Haru had prepared it for him. He realizes a warmth in his hand that was not his own, and he turns slightly to see her sitting there, her head resting on his bed, a peaceful expression on her face, her fingers entwined in his.

Maybe, if this had been any other day, in any other universe, maybe he would feel the blood rushing to his cheeks at the contact. Maybe the atmosphere would have been permeated with teenaged awkwardness, and he would convince himself his hand moved on its own and this didn't mean a thing. Maybe he would've told himself he had no idea why he had no intention of letting go. Maybe he would deny what he already knew he felt for her, and they could go on with the secret glances and awkward back-and-fourth arguments laced just a little with tension, a bit of an excuse to spend time together. Maybe they would've realized their feelings like the people do in those cheesy movies - like getting stuck in a room with just each other for company, or literally falling over each other, or through a heartfelt confession preceded by volumes of anonymous love letters.

Not like this, not desperately clinging to dear life like a withering plant in a drought, with tears as the only source of salvation. Not spending hours in hospital rooms reeking of antiseptics when they could've been outside enjoying the first few days of spring. Not looking at each other with a desperate longing and a fear, instead of anxious glances and endless possibilities. Not whispering words of consolation, of pleading, of assurances, instead of sweet nothings and aimless small talk.

It was too late. He had fallen far too far to be capable of denying it to himself any longer.

It felt like the disease existed to sap away whatever love made its way into his life - it had already taken his mother, and it would take him from Haru as well.

He saw the tear streaks on her cheeks as they reflected the light seeping in from the small opening on his bedroom door… and it took him nearly everything he had to stop his own tears from falling.

"Why do I have to die just when I realized how much I wanted to live?" he muttered under his breath, berating himself inwardly at how ridiculously akin to a television drama his life had just become – he, the cold right-hand man of a mafia boss finally finds his heart softened by a cheerful, ditsy young lady – and then there's the major plot twist of his terminal illness.

He removes his right hand from Haru's and lightly touches the tear stains on her cheeks._'I made her cry again.' _

She stirs a little under his touch. "Hahi! You're awake, Gokudera-kun!"

"What time is it?" he asked, looking at the window outside and seeing the night sky. "It's probably really late, aren't your parents worried about you or something?"

Haru smiles a little. "I told mom I'm sleeping over at a friend's house for a project. It's alright."

"I never asked you to-!" Gokudera stopped mid-sentence and sighed. "…I-uh… thanks, Haru. I'm sorry for bothering you."

Haru puts her hand on his forehead to check his temperature. "Your fever's gone down." She smiled. "I just had to check, you know – you suddenly became so polite and all, I thought you were getting sick again." She chuckled a little.

Gokudera looked away in embarrassment.

"Anyway you must be really hungry." Haru then takes the bowl of soup from Gokudera's bedside table.

"I can still manage eating by myself." He said, taking the bowl from her. "I've bothered you enough today."

"It's perfectly fine, you're not bothering me at all." Haru explained. "I'm used to taking care of you guys by now. Anyway, since you're able to eat by yourself I can get your sponge bath ready."

"W-what?"

Haru chuckles. "Gokudera-kun, it's not like I haven't seen you shirtless before." She stands up to leave. "Finish your soup and I'll be back in a minute."

She returns moments later with warm water and cloth. "I-err…"

It was Gokudera's turn to laugh. "What happened to 'It's not like I haven't seen you shirtless before'?"

'_Why do I suddenly feel awkward? How many times have I changed his bandages and dressed his wounds? This isn't anything new. It's not like anything is going to happen right? But we aren't fifteen anymore and…' _Haru's thoughts race through her brain. "Hahi! Gokudera-kun! What are you thinking?!"

"You're the one who's thinking things." He said, admitting to himself that he was in fact, also thinking _things._ But also hating how immensely stupid and childish it sounded. "Tch. Let's just get it over with." He puts the empty bowl on his bedside table and takes his shirt off.

"Move forward." Haru said, now sitting behind him with the basin of water in her lap. She dips the cloth in the water and proceeds, the awkward tension disappearing with every wipe, as she settles into familiarity and routine. She notices that this was the first time she'd been able to have a look at his back in a long time – the few years since they've gone back from the future had thankfully been peaceful and uneventful. It was also the first time she's noticed just how many scars laced along his skin – burns, cuts, old bruises, patches of discoloration marring the otherwise silky pale skin.

She puts down the moist cloth for a moment and traces her fingers along a particularly large cut across his back. "I remember this one." She mutters.

"All I remember is that it fucking hurt like hell." He said.

"Then how could you still have had the energy to argue with me while I was changing your bandages?" she laughed a little. "I remember having to force you to lie back down on the bed because you just kept trying to stand up to keep training."

"I always seem to have the energy to argue with you." He laughs. "Besides, nothing is going to keep me from performing my duties as Juudaime's right-hand man."

Haru smiled. There it was, the Gokudera-kun from before the illness, the headstrong, confident – if arrogant, right-hand-man. It had been a while since she had seen this side of him. "But then Bianchi-san walked in and you fainted… and she rushed out muttering 'sorry to bother you' or something. She probably thought we were-"

And just like that, the awkward tension was back.

"I-uh…" Haru takes the cloth from the basin and returns to her work, hoping that he wouldn't turn to see the blush in her cheeks.

Moments pass and they settle into a comfortable silence.

"I was serious when I said sorry." He said softly. "…when I said sorry for having to put you through this, when I said thank you for everything. I really meant it."

"I know." She said quietly, finally finished with her work. She placed the basin on his bedside table. "I meant it too. When I said you shouldn't apologize or thank me. Please stop talking like this. You're making it sound like you're saying goodbye again."

"I just – if anything happens to me, I want you to hear everything I wanted to say to you." He said. "I thought that if that was really going to be the end, I should at least tell you-"

He was interrupted by Haru's arms clutching on to him tightly, and he felt her tears streaming down his back as she embraced him. "Gokudera-kun, I promised you didn't I?" she stifled a sob. "…that I'd always be here."

"I don't know how much longer I have left, Haru." He muttered, holding her arms and feeling like her embrace alone was enough to will him to exist, to stay, and to live out all the years of his life. "I'm sorry if I can't-"

"Haru won't make you promise to stay." She said. "I know I can't do that. I know all we have is a small chance and a hope, and that maybe we won't be able to find a cure…"

"You were the one who told me that just believing in something could work wonders." He muttered, making Haru let go of him as he turned around to face her. "And I believe you." He smiled a little and wiped the tears off her face with his fingers. "So stop crying already, Stupid Woman. You should know by now how much I hate myself when I make you cry."

Haru smiled, assuring him that she'd stopped crying. Gokudera's expression turned into seriousness and sincerity with a little bit of anxiety and worry mixed in. _"Merda."_ He cursed under his breath in his mother tongue.

"I can't promise you forever." He took a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes with a conviction that surprised her. "…and I may not know how much longer I have left – but I… I want to… I want to spend it w-with you."

"Haru, I-" he stops for a split-second, searching her face for any reaction. "I know it's despicably selfish of me to tell you something like this when-"

Haru interrupts him mid-sentence as she wraps her arms around him and buries her face in his silvery hair. "I'm the selfish one here, Gokudera-kun." She mutters in his ear, taking everything she had to stop herself from crying again. "Because I… I'm taking up all the time you have left."

And their lips finally meet.

It felt like a heart's sigh of relief, like the release of something long-held back, like the confession of a secret so long kept hidden… like the completion of a puzzle, its pieces finally falling into place.

Both of them questioned at the back of their minds just when it had started between them – just how far back had it begun? Were all those petty arguments really just excuses to spend more time together? Was all the bickering really just their way of releasing tension? Was it really when Haru had found out about his illness that this had begun, or was it always there, just waiting to be uncovered?

When had uneasy friendship turned into pity, and care, and understanding, and comfortable familiarity? When had that evolved into affection, into what they think feels like love?

If Gokudera had never inherited his mother's illness, or if Haru had never discovered it, would they ever have found themselves in each other's arms?

Gokudera held her in his own embrace and kissed her hair lightly. He whispered words of affection to her in all the languages he knew, but still felt like they were inadequate to express just how he felt – he was never very good at speaking.

"So I guess this means we won't be worrying about people getting the wrong idea anymore." Gokudera laughed a little.

Haru smiled. "Somehow it's like they had the right one all along though."

* * *

Hours pass by and Hayato wakes up from his peaceful slumber. This time he smiles as he turns to look upon Haru's sleeping form next to his own – it was as she had promised. She was there, right there. And she said she always would be.

There was no sound in the room apart from their slow, calm breaths. To him, the silence was so thick that he could almost feel it lingering in the air as if it existed - slowly robbing him of breath and stealing away what little time he thought he had.

Haru shifts beside him and settles her head on his shoulder, anchoring him to the bed for the moment, giving him nothing to do but think. He didn't want to wake her… what if this was all a dream?

It surely felt like one.

How could he ever have thought that he would be able to spend the rest of his days without ever telling her? He scoffs at himself for a moment, finding the irony in the fact that without this illness, he probably would never have been able to feel such unbridled joy as he had when their lips had first met. They would probably still be awkward sort-of friends that managed to slip an argument into every single conversation – he probably would not be grinning like a damn idiot. Because of this illness, he had truly gotten to know the Stupid Woman, and now he finally understood what all the sappiest lines in all the movies he's watched and the books he's read meant… and all of them, all of them were utter bullshit because they were nowhere near accurate enough to describe just how he felt.

Her smile, her touch – the goddamned sincerity in her eyes… how was he supposed to have kept his mouth shut and his emotions in check when she suddenly had her arms around him and made him feel like everything and nothing made sense all at once?

In the silence, he asks questions he never once thought he'd need answers for – was there truly a supreme being out there controlling all these things? Why did it see fit to give him such a fate? Was there a way to appease it, to convince it to take pity on him?

Because at that moment he swore he would've given anything, anything at all, for time to stop forever and for the day to never end.

* * *

::This chapter is actually named after one of my favorite Teen Titans episodes. lol. Also, yes, I know it's cheesy as heck, but let's give them a break, Hayato did just go through something like a near-death experience.

::Anyway, thanks for reading!


	8. Silence Before the Storm

::I don't own KHR.

* * *

"**.Silence Before the Storm."**

Haru's eyelids slowly fluttered open as she awakened from her sleep. She felt a comforting warmth beside her. "Good morning ~desu, Gokudera-kun." She smiled as she propped herself up on her elbows. "Are you feeling better?"

He looks at her with a strange mix of joy and disbelief, as if he was still wondering whether this was all a dream his subconscious had conjured up or not. _'So, it's all real then.' _Yesterday, he had passed out again, and both of them had found each others' feelings requited… and they talked aimlessly, and kissed, and eventually ended up sleeping next to each other because he was too proud to let Haru sleep on the couch in his living room, while she insisted he stay put because he needed his rest and a comfortable bed more than she did.

At the back of their minds they silently agreed that their compromise was the best course of action – and that they had gotten so much better at negotiation.

"Uh… yeah, I guess so." He gently tucked the stray strands of hair behind Haru's ear. "I never noticed that your hair was this long… it's - different."

"Different in a good way?" she asked playfully. "…or are you subtly trying to tell Haru that you like girls with short hair more?"

He laughed a little. "I don't really care, as long as the girl is you."

"An actual compliment, so early in the morning? That's a new record!" she smiled at him "I never took you for the romantic type."

"I'm three-fourths Italian, Haru." He smirked a little. "It's in my blood."

Haru kissed him on the cheek and got out of bed. "Well okay then, Mr. Italian, what would you like for breakfast?"

"I could grab some stuff at the grocery store. It's not far from here." He said, sitting up. "Or we could eat out or something."

"I think you should stay in a bit more today. Get some more rest before we go to school." She replied, trying her best not to sound worried. "I brought you a bento last night, so we could use that to make something… how do you feel about omurice?"

"That's the omelet with the rice inside?" he asked rhetorically. "Yeah, sure. I'll go get some eggs at the store. Don't worry, I'll be careful and all that. It's just two blocks away, I'll be fine. You start preparing and I'll be back in fifteen minutes." He then put his jacket and shoes on, and shut the door behind him.

As Haru started her preparations, smiling a little when she noticed that there was no longer a layer of dust on the kitchen equipment, and that he had actually stocked his fridge with food that didn't come in a cardboard or Styrofoam box. _'He's started to cook for himself.' _She thought happily. _'He's even got onions and garlic… tomatoes…' _

She settles back into routine and lets her mind wander as she starts slicing.

'_I can't promise you forever… and I may not know how much longer I have left – but I want to spend it with you.'_

She found it strange that she had just had her first kiss, and had discovered her feelings for the silver-haired boy to be mutual – but she couldn't see him as a perfect being, wasn't imagining walking down the aisle to him, or holding hands walking down the street, or going on dates, or calling herself Mrs. Gokudera… none of the things she had daydreamed about when she believed she was in love with Tsuna. _'There sure is a severe lack of sparkles and roses.' _She laughed at herself a little.

All she could think about was how his lips felt on hers, and how it was almost _painful _when they had parted, how terrified she was of waking up and suddenly finding him gone, of holding his hands and not feeling any warmth in them – of ragged breaths and final words, of never again seeing life in those beautiful green eyes she so easily got lost in.

His words echo in her mind, making her question for a moment, exactly what it was that was between them now. What they had, what they shared, was this truly what love was, and not just a strange mixture of familiarity, friendship and the terrible fear of losing each other? Or was it just because they had gotten far too close, far too familiar, and had hung around each other far too often and far too long… that it somehow felt like going a day without having seen each other was incomplete? Was this just the result of their mutual reluctance to change and go back to what they were before, and their inability to comprehend just what it was they were before last night's confession?

Could this just be the teenage hormones kicking in? Was this just impulsiveness and desperation to feel something _– anything –_ to justify why they held on… to give them something to hold on to?

'_Why would there be anything wrong with that?'_ Haru thought to herself.

If this was what love truly was, it was nowhere near what she had imagined – it was so much more powerful, and yet painful at the same time, calming, but also restless… but she knew she would rather have this than whatever it was she had thought of years ago.

'_Because this, this is real.' _She convinced herself.

"Hahi~!" Haru squeaked when she accidentally cut herself while slicing onions. _'What is wrong with you, Haru?!' _she thought inwardly as she washed her hands and started looking for Gokudera's first-aid kit.

She fumbled around his apartment, her thoughts racing faster than her body could act – she reached the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet – she gasped a little and her eyes widened visibly as she took in just how many different bottles of medicine were in there along with the typical gauze, band-aids and ointments. She read the labels and couldn't recognize any of them – these were clearly not your regular over-the-counter stuff.

She also found a couple of boxes with slots for seven small syringes – one box had only a single syringe left, and since it was a Saturday, she had concluded that these might be weekly dosages. The empty bottles and syringes in the trashcan told her he's been taking them for a while. She took a bottle in her hand and attempted to read it – some labels were in Italian, and there were strange symbols written on it in marker ink, symbols she recognized Gokudera doodled on the edges of his notes from time to time.

The reality of their situation suddenly broke the wonderful illusion the previous night had given her. The impeccably organized, color-coded bottles in the cabinet were like a giant billboard forcing her to face the truth… but, rather than give in to despair and let the tears flow down her face, she forced herself to calm down, and shakily returned the bottle back into place and took the box of band-aids and put one on the cut on her finger.

"I've got the eggs!" Gokudera said, a little more enthusiastically than usual as he entered his apartment. "Haru?"

"Hahi~!" Haru yelped in surprise, feeling like she had been caught looking at something she shouldn't, and dropped the box just as she was about to return it to the cabinet – effectively knocking down a few bottles.

Gokudera left the eggs on the counter and rushed over. "What's wrong Haru?"

She fumbles frantically with the bottles and he helps her pick them up and return them to their proper place, he doesn't fail to notice that her hands are shaking and her eyes sparkled with tears that threatened to fall – it felt strangely familiar…

_He remembered that one time when they were still ten years in the future – when he had gone into the kitchens to fetch himself a drink and she's there preparing their food for the next day. It was the night before they were to attack the Millfiore hideout. _

_He noticed that she was more jumpy than usual, she had said "Hahi~!" in surprise when he came in the room, but he ignored her and drank in silence while she continued her work. He also noticed that her hands were shaking and that tears were silently flowing down her face, despite her effort to hide it from him. _

_She sniffled._

_He sighed. "You're going to end up with really salty food if you're going to keep crying like that, Stupid Woman." He said callously and threw the empty drink bottle into the trashcan. He said nothing more and glanced back at her before leaving._

_She wiped her eyes and gulped, willing herself to stop crying._

_He remembered that on some nights, he walks past her room and hears her crying herself to sleep, only to wake up with a bright smile on her face and a table of food all ready for breakfast. He silently admired her ability to put up such a convincing façade – he noted to himself that it was almost as effective as his own façade of cold aloofness and apathy, and that is why he never mentions to anyone that he knew about hers – it would have been disrespectful to her efforts, it would have meant that he didn't acknowledge her choice, her own brand of strength… because he had a feeling that perhaps she knew he had a façade of his own as well._

_It was their pact of silence. Their mutual agreement to believe in the lies they told each other and themselves. Their efforts to hide their own human vulnerabilities._

…but this time, this time, he took the medicine bottles in her hands and placed them in the medicine cabinet, and then took her shaking hands in his own – he noticed the band-aid and deduced that she must've cut herself accidentally while cooking. He gave her a reassuring squeeze and she nods silently.

'_I have nothing left to hide from you, and there's no longer a reason to lie.' _The thought slips into his mind, and he smiles a small smile and answers the question he saw in her eyes.

"Didn't you ever wonder why the tutor assigned to me is a doctor?" He asked rhetorically. "Well, Shamal used to work for my father's family before the Vongola… he was my personal trainer specifically because he was a doctor as well as a hit-man. He always complains about never treating men, but I guess he was paid well enough to watch over me. My father, well, he knew about my mother's illness and he was afraid I'd have it too – no one's ever told me, but I think he and Bianchi are responsible for Shamal moving on to the Vongola and following me here to Japan."

He sighs in frustration. "Of course I never knew anything about it until we came back from the future and started getting the symptoms. Shamal was the first to find out. These meds are from him, he visits regularly to replenish my stock… I made him swear not to tell anyone, and I guess he's kept his word, since Bianchi hasn't come here crying and worrying over me yet. He's a serious pain in the ass." He sighs. "…but I do owe him a lot."

He chuckles a little. "So will you please stop worrying about this already? It's not like I'm not doing anything about it… he told me these meds will keep it from getting worse, at least keep the symptoms in control enough for me to act normally, delay the development… maybe even give him enough time to find a cure."

"I guess that's why he's always scolded me whenever I act recklessly for a mission; he keeps telling me not to throw my life away… but I never listened to him though. Not until recently. Not until I understood _why_." He looked into Haru's eyes with worry. "Was it a mistake, Haru?" he said softly under his breath, looking away from her.

She looked at him confusedly. "What is, Gokudera-kun?"

"Will you ever be able to forgive me for-"

She shook her head in disagreement before he could finish. "There's nothing to forgive because you've done nothing wrong – none of this is your fault. Haru was… was just thinking too much. I'm perfectly okay. Don't worry about it." She removed her hands from his and smiles up at him. "Now, let's see about that breakfast."

If there was one thing about Haru that had always fascinated him, it was the way she could smile and make you believe that she, and everything else in the world, would be alright. And perhaps, for now, that was all that he needed.

* * *

"So, you and Haru, huh? I knew it! You know I always thought there was a reason why you two always argued like a married couple." Yamamoto said with an amused smile on his face.

"Will you stop fucking grinning like the idiot you are, Yamamoto?" Gokudera sighed. "Was it really that obvious?"

"Honestly, yes it was, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna said.

"Yeah. About just as bad as Tsuna was with Kyoko back then." Yamamoto commented. "Now I understand why she asked me about you last Thursday."

'_What do you mean 'just as bad as I was with Kyoko' huh?'_ Tsuna thought in his head. "We're happy for the both of you, Gokudera-kun. I was starting to wonder why you and Haru always seemed to be away at the same time since the holidays."

"We're really sorry for making you worry, Juudaime. We were going through… some things. But-" The self-proclaimed right-hand-man apologized to his boss. "I-I promise this won't get in the way of our duties to the Vongola, and it won't change anything." He says with his usual conviction.

"Don't worry about it, Gokudera-kun." Tsuna said reassuringly. "I've gotta go though. Reborn told me he needed to see me today. See you later!" And he left his Rain and Storm Guardian on their school's rooftop.

Gokudera sighs and subconsciously checks his pockets for a cigarette – forgetting for a moment that Haru had made him swear off them completely.

"You know Tsuna's been worried about you lately." Yamamoto stated, looking out at the Namimori skyline. "He's never going to tell you about it because he knows that you hate it when he worries about you."

"I'm sincerely glad for you and Haru, and she does seem happy, and you do seem to have mellowed down a bit… we kind of knew about you and Haru already, it honestly was pretty obvious. But it feels like we're being left out on something, you know? Tsuna says he feels like there's more to it than what you're telling us, he's felt it for a while." he says tentatively, expecting Gokudera to berate him immediately.

The retort never came and what surprised Yamamoto most of all is the silence he was answered with.

"It might just be his Hyper-Intuition, but even to me, it does seem like there's something going on. Tsuna told us not to pester you or Haru about it, and to let you tell us on your own, when you're ready, but we're family. Your problems are our problems too. You can't always expect us to just brush off these things every time." He says, not looking at his silver-haired best friend.

Gokudera turns to look at him with a serious expression on his face – but what unnerved Yamamoto was the fact that he couldn't see any of his friend's usual anger in it, but the things he had learned not to expect from the silver-haired guardian: humility, pleading… and a sadness he could never quite understand. "That's all that I'm asking for right now." Gokudera said with a somber finality. "All I ask is for you to brush this off, and convince yourself that there's nothing wrong, and never talk about it again. Forget about it and let me handle my own problems. That's all I need, this one last time. Can you do that for me?"

"Maybe for a while, but not forever." Yamamoto answers, sighing.

"Good." Gokudera turns to leave. _'It won't need to last that long.'_

* * *

That afternoon, after class and saying goodbye to Tsuna and the rest, and dodging amazed looks from classmates and questions of intrigue, they find themselves in Gokudera's apartment, in each other's arms again, as sappy and as cliché as it might seem. They somehow really did feel like spending every single moment they could spare in the company of each other – the excitement and the thrill of youth, of newfound love, of first love, was however mixed in with a longing and a pain that shouldn't have been there, not yet, not for a couple of eighteen-year-olds at least… but it was there nonetheless.

"I don't want you to think I'm doing this just because I feel like I've got little time left and just want to experience these things before I die." Gokudera said in haste, looking away from Haru with embarrassment. "Goddamn, that sounded so much better and less douche-y in my head."

"It would've been smoother if you said it in Italian." She laughed as she snuggled into his arms. "I mean I wouldn't have understood a word of it, but at least it would've _sounded_ romantic." She looked up at him, "You don't have to say that to convince me of anything. I believe in you – in this, in _us_. You don't need to explain."

"So, Italian then?" He laughed and whispered in his native language into her ear, running his fingers through her hair. _"Come sei bella. Sei il mio angelo. Ti voglio molto bene. Ti adoro. Sei tutto per me. Ho bisogno di te._ _Significhi tutto per me. Senza di te non sono niente. Senza di te non posso più vivere. Con te voglio passare la mia vita. Con te voglio invecchiare." _He said rapidly, fervently, as if trying to voice out every thought that raced through his mind, feeling a little frightened of just how much he meant every single word… and then he stopped for a second, and his expression turned somber. _"Per favore ricordati di me."_

Haru's laugh died on her lips and a worried expression grew on her face. "What does the last one mean?"

Gokudera shook his head and smiled a small smile. "It's not important." He distanced himself from her a little and looked into her eyes. "You see, your language only needs one word to say all that I've said."

She nodded and smiled with half-lidded eyes, wrapping her arms around the Storm Guardian before her. "_Aishiteru, Gokudera Hayato." _She whispers breathlessly into his ear.

Their lips meet again and their worries melt away, and for a moment everything in the world feels like it's exactly where it should be and nothing would ever go wrong again – or even if something did, it felt like they'd be able to overcome whatever it would be… there was nothing else but each other, this one singular moment in time, and the small space between them.

The seemingly perfect moment ends with an opened door and a very surprised doctor.

"Well, this I never thought I'd see." Shamal said with a clearly amused smile on his face as he enters Gokudera's apartment without so much as a knock.

* * *

::Wow I guess all the Valentine's Day feels I had went in here. Lol I'll try to be less sappy next chapter I promise! It's about time for the plot to pick up a bit I think.

::Thanks for reading!


	9. Fear and Fading

::I don't own KHR.

* * *

"**.Fear and Fading."**

They separated in an instant, and blood rushed to both their faces, turning them increasing shades of red. Haru hastily tried to fix her top and her hair and Gokudera mouthed off curses in Italian under his breath.

"Haru was… uh- H-Haru's going to the bathroom for a bit." She said as she tried to hide the embarrassment on her face and almost ran for the door.

"You could've at least knocked! Goddamnit!" he stood and shouted at the doctor, whose smug, triumphant grin annoyed him to no end. He didn't stop speaking and cursing in rapid-fire Italian.

Shamal handed him a bag containing his medications to shut him up. "You're practically adults now, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's perfectly normal to have some… should I say, _quality time_ with a beautiful lady." He replied in the same language, and chuckled.

"I'm not like you." He retorted vehemently.

"Ouch…" the doctor said half-jokingly. "Hey, there's nothing wrong with wanting to show a woman a good time." He laughed. "I was seriously beginning to wonder how stupid you were if you couldn't see how much that girl cared about you. She visited the hospital every single day to see you, you know… though of course she didn't know I was there, since you wanted to be all secretive, as always, and insisted you handled it yourself."

"I know." He said, looking away from the man. "And don't you dare compare this to one of your conquests."

"Comparing this with my conquests?" he scoffed, feigning offense, "You're talking to a man who got exiled by a queen!" he said with a chuckle, although it was true. _"Ah, amore…"_ he sighed almost mockingly, and in that moment you could've sworn Shamal almost had a tear in his eye. "The little brat's all grown up. Would you like me to book you a flight to _Roma? Vinezia? Paris? _Travelling around the world with a beautiful lady is something you should at least experience once in your life."

"Shut up." Gokudera shrugged him off and placed the bag on the couch.

"But your sister would be so excited! In a month or two she'd have your engagement party all planned out!" Shamal said with another chuckle. "Imagine those old-style Italian weddings. In a grand old church and dancing… ah, the dancing! I haven't crashed one of those in a while."

"I told you to shut up." Gokudera said.

Haru came back into the living room after having freshened up and greeted Shamal curtly, though the tinge of red on her cheeks still hadn't disappeared. The two men begin talking in Japanese.

"You'll find all the usual stuff in the bag." Shamal explained. "Has anything happened that's worth mentioning?" He side-eyed his former student. "Other than you finally discovering you had enough guts to pursue a woman, I mean."

Haru laughed. Gokudera cursed under his breath. "No, nothing."

She looked at the silver-haired boy questioningly. "But Gokudera-kun…"

He looked at her and the worry in her eyes, and sighed. "I passed out the other day."

Shamal's expression turned grim and somewhat frustrated. "Have you been secretly training again?"

"No. She's made me swear to take it easy – I haven't even been smoking. I swear." He answered, looking at Haru pointedly and emptied his pockets to prove there wasn't a trace of tobacco anywhere.

Shamal looked at Haru, the appreciation evident in his expression. "It looks like the young lady here has been a good influence on you – god knows how much you need it. But if you've been taking the meds regularly and you've been resting, and she's been taking care of you… you technically shouldn't be passing out."

"I don't need to be a doctor to figure that out." Hayato replied.

"Then you should stop being a stubborn little brat and tell your friends about this – maybe just Reborn if you really insist on keeping this quiet… and your sister, because she deserves to know." He says almost pleadingly. "You're the future Decimo's right-hand, so you better believe the Vongola has put in a sizeable investment to your well-being. I'm sure the Nono would want to find out about this too – the Vongola probably have more than enough resources for research… we might end up developing a new drug that could cure you – and other people that have the same illness." He gives Haru a look imploring her to help him out. "I'm sure the young lady here understands what I'm talking about."

"Don't use Haru against me." Gokudera said, annoyance now evident in his voice. "Bianchi would hound me daily if she knew about this. She'd insist on taking care of me, she'd treat me like a child! You know how she is and how I can't stand her cooking." He gave an exasperated sigh. "The rest of them would pity me. They'd keep me off missions, and I wouldn't be able to serve the Tenth at all – what would be the point in keeping me as the right-hand, why even keep me as a Guardian at all then? And Reborn-san… he and Juudaime's father, and the Nono, they chose me to be the Tenth-generation Tempesta. I can't shirk on my duties. You know me well enough to realize there's no way in hell I'm going to let that happen." He turned to Haru pleadingly. "You understand, don't you?"

She nodded uneasily. "Yes, I understand what you mean, Gokudera-kun… but… don't you think you matter more to all of us as a person than just as Tsuna-san's right-hand-man, as the Storm Guardian?" she half-explained, half-pleaded.

Gokudera sighed. "But a Mafioso, the Tempesta, the right-hand of the Vongola Decimo… that's what I am – all that I am."

"That's not all you are…" she said imploringly, but also with a kind of fear that she might be going too far and might only add to the Storm Guardian's anger.

"It's everything that matters."

"That's not true."

"I just I – I'm going out for a walk." Gokudera quickly turned to leave and closed the door behind him.

Haru rushed to catch him but Shamal clutched her arm to stop her. "He's always been a stubborn brat, give him some space, he'll come around."

She faced him for a second, freed her arm, and continued out the door anyway. Shamal sighed. "Well then, I guess you're made for each other… equally stubborn brats."

'_Ah, amore… why did you have you have to be such a cruel mistress?'_

* * *

Tsuna had found it interesting, how two of the most selfless people he had ever met had found solace in each other. Haru was an outsider, who had no ties to the mafia at all before that fateful day when Tsuna had saved her life, when she had declared her undying love for him and swore that she would become his wife. She had that persistent smile and unyielding strength that pushed her on, staying by her friends even if that meant getting involved in life-threatening battles and complications that she could have easily avoided.

He had to admit that he found her unbearable at times, smothering him with so much attention that he felt like he was suffocating under her affections, and though he never really felt that way towards her, he had always valued her as an important friend, always eager to lend a hand and ready to brighten up anyone's day with a bright smile and undiminished energy.

Sometimes he feels that she might actually be the strongest one out of all of them, he knows she often feels helpless, the way she isn't a guardian and can't fight alongside them, but never once has she complained or entertained the thought of giving up and leaving them despite how easy that would have been. And every single day, unfailingly, she'd have a bright smile on her face, never faltering despite how hopeless their situation would be.

Gokudera, on the other hand, was the opposite – where Haru was innocent, Gokudera was jaded, having been born and raised in the mafia his entire life. He had nearly always been at Tsuna's side since he had found out about his mafia heritage, he had sworn absolute and unending loyalty to him when the future Decimo himself couldn't even believe he was heir to the world's most powerful Mafia Famiglia, he had always looked out for him, proclaiming that he did everything for his boss, for the family, that sometimes, Tsuna wondered what his right-hand-man would've been like if he hadn't been born into the mafia, if he would have dreams of his own, if it wasn't the only world he knew.

In fact, Tsuna thought to himself sometimes, that Gokudera had far more right to be leading a mafia family than he did. When he voiced this out to him though, the Storm Guardian assured him that this was not the case, and explained that some people were meant to stay on the sidelines to support other people to reach their greatness. Tsuna wondered what he had meant when he said _"If I led the family, nothing would really change." _but was nonetheless humbled by this show of faith, and from that day on he endeavored even more to be a boss worthy of his guardians' loyalty.

"Have you thought about the Nono's proposal yet?" Reborn said, finally drawing Tsuna out of his reverie.

Tsuna gives him a tentative nod. "I've been thinking about it, I'm sure dad would be happy, and mom wouldn't mind moving to Italy after our graduation because she'd get to see dad more often, but I'm not sure about the others – Hibari-san seems so attached to the school, and Kyoko-chan and her brother can't tell their parents about the mafia, and Haru-chan and everyone else…"

"You'll have to make your choice sooner or later." The hitman said. "You seem distracted."

Tsuna sighed. "It's about Gokudera-kun. He seems more… distant… lately."

"He's fallen in love with a girl, it's only natural to spend more time with her right now." Reborn said, almost laughing. "He's very reliable, I doubt that would affect his duties as your guardian."

"That's not what I meant." Tsuna said, and it was true, he was wholeheartedly happy for both of his friends, but there is a slight sadness in the realization that there was someone whom Gokudera now trusted more than him, and that his place in both their lives had been replaced by each other. "It just – it really feels like there's something important that we're missing. You told me that I have a 'hyper-intuition' or something. Could this have anything to do with that?"

"Have you tried asking him?" Reborn said. Tsuna found it strange, how even Reborn, who could usually be counted upon to know everything that was going on to a meddlesome degree, was being evasive. "Do you think he'd ever lie to you if you asked him directly?"

* * *

When Haru had made it out the door, Gokudera was already nowhere to be seen. Haru sighed in frustration, but her instincts gave her a feeling as to where he'd be headed. She almost ran there, in fact, placing one foot in front of the other in a frantic search, and gave a sigh of relief when she had been right – there he was, at that fateful bridge where Tsuna had saved her life, a cigarette between his fingers and sitting on the railings with a pensive expression on his face.

She leaned on the railings beside him but doesn't say a word; unable to figure out what it was she really wanted to say. Yes, she wanted to convince him that telling the others was really the best course of action they could take – that though he did have a point, that the others might not understand, she really just couldn't bear to lose him, not anymore. She also wanted to apologize, but wasn't sure what it was she wanted to apologize for.

He had solved her predicament however, by breaking the silence, being the first to speak. "It's funny, isn't it – how things work out." He laughed halfheartedly, taking a drag off his cigarette. "I mean, when I saw you here for the first time, I couldn't believe how you actually dressed up as a samurai and had the gall to challenge the Tenth. I seriously meant to throw you off this bridge at the time." he laughed again.

A somewhat awkward silence settles between them for a moment. "Uh… yeah, sorry about that. I never apologized for that, did I?" He asks rhetorically.

"I don't remember if Tsuna-san made you apologize or not." Haru laughed a little. "But it all worked out in the end anyway… I guess. But, Gokudera-kun I-"

"I know… I just – I thought we've been through this already, that you understood." He sighed. "I just, I want to have the choice of how I spend what little there is left of my life."

Haru's expression revealed her worry and he quickly continued his explanation. "I get it okay, being hopeful, believing that I'll get cured… I do believe, I swear, I believe. But Haru, if we tell everyone, if they find out – I'll be in and out of hospitals, tubes attached everywhere, machines keeping me alive, everyone looking at me with pity, people having to take care of me… and if – if it doesn't work out…" he sighed. "…then that's all anyone would remember of me. Gokudera Hayato, the useless half-dead pile of meat on a hospital bed."

"But what if you do get better? Shouldn't you at least take the chance?" Haru said, close to tears. "You shouldn't let your pride get the better of you – you shouldn't let it take your chance at prolonging your life."

"All a Mafioso really has in the end is his pride." He said, the cigarette between his fingers trailing wisps of smoke, disappearing slowly as it rose – she looked at it alarmingly, almost afraid, because it was as if it showed her just how much the Storm Guardian was fading away from her.

Haru's voice rose in reply. "Don't you understand, Gokudera-kun?! You're not only a Mafioso, you're not just Tsuna-san's right-hand-man, or the tenth-generation Vongola Storm Guardian. You're Gokudera Hayato! You're Yamamoto-san's best friend, Tsuna-san's most trusted person! You're more than even all of that… and I-I…"

"The mafia is all I've ever known, Haru. I was born into the world of schemes, crime, intrigue, backdoor politics, assassinations, betrayals, murder and blood… the only time I've ever felt like I was allowed to be a normal person is when I'm with the Tenth and the others… with you." He said, and she could feel his unease at the honesty of his words.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to _actually_ be normal, to be like you – and I wonder how you can even choose to stay with us." He sighed. "You might not be able to understand, but fulfilling my duties for the Vongola, for the Tenth, it's the only way I'll ever feel worthwhile… we've had this conversation before, Haru." He said almost dismissively. "You agreed. We promised… you should understand that I don't care how long I live, as long as I live the way I want to."

Haru nodded, fighting back tears. "I just – I'm sorry, I can't…"

Hayato got off the railings and crushed the cigarette under his foot. "It seems like the only thing I'm good at these days is making you cry." He muttered under his breath as he took Haru's hand in one of his own and wiped off her tears with another.

She shook her head. "That's not true, Gokudera-kun. Haru hasn't – I… these past few days, spending more time with you, I've… I've never felt this kind of happiness before. It's like I want to hold on to every single moment, it's like every second is clearer and more precious, but at the same time it's like sand slipping through my fingers… and I'm scared, I just – I'm sorry, I was being selfish, only thinking about myself…" She stifled a sob. "I really… I just don't want to lose you."

He wrapped his arms around her, relishing the moment. Her hair smelled of strawberries and he could feel her tears fall on his shoulders, her heartbeat beating much quicker than his, her breaths taken between sobs… he took a deep breath and held her at arm's length, so he could look her in the eyes. "Okay… I… can I ask you for a favor, Haru?" he said, his tone a mix of resolution and pleading. "One month. Give me one more month… and then I promise we'll tell everyone."

Haru nodded silently, and wiped the tears on her cheeks with the back of her palms. "A-alright." She muttered. "I-I'm sorry for being so selfish, Gokudera-kun."

He embraced her again and whispered in her ear. "Don't apologize Haru. You're a lot of things, woman, but you're not selfish." Her fingers wandered into his back pocket and pulled something out. He felt a small smile form on her face.

She pulled away and held the freshly-opened pack of cigarettes to his face. She smiled almost playfully. "I'll keep quiet about it a whole month if you can make sure you don't smoke another one of these."

"Shamal just got to me. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He smiled softly back at her.

* * *

::Yay new cover photo!

::I wonder if their whole 'one-month' agreement will work out with what Tsuna's planning to do.

::Thanks for reading, please review!


End file.
